Thursday, October 15, 2009

Exciting Challenge! A Month Without the Scale

Well . . . it's exciting for a gastric bypass post-op, at least. :-)

I am not going to weigh myself for nearly a month! Until November 13, 2009 - my seven-month "surgiversary" - I will not step on the scale. Any scale.

Why this drastic step? Two closely related reasons: First, there's the same old story about scale obsession that I noticed back in May. I was driving myself crazy, weighing myself multiple times a day. By "multiple," I don't mean 2 or 3; I'm talking 20. I would weigh myself 20+ times a day and would let a minor weight fluctuation determine my mood for that day. I am not nearly that far gone again, but I have been weighing myself about 3 times a day.

Second, I haven't lost any weight in the past couple of weeks, and I've allowed this stall to affect my eating habits. I know that, with the exception of my mini-binge yesterday, I follow the RNY dietary guidelines, and that I should be losing weight. However, I've been messing around with my habits - the recent modified liquid diet; adding a sixth meal - and while these experiments can be healthy, I don't think they were a positive choice for me at this time. These modifications didn't come from a commitment to eating properly/de-carbing; they primarily came from a desire to make the scale move.

Yesterday's slip was a wake-up call. Changing my eating habits was fine as long as it was just liquid protein and adding a WLS-friendly meal. But one of the thoughts I had during my little compulsive eating episode last night was, "It's fine for me to eat this stuff. According to many people, I don't take in enough calories anyway. Maybe this binge will even help me lose weight again! Nothing else has worked!"

That's a scary path to head down. Eating compulsively is never a good idea, even when it's not technically a "binge" because you aren't eating to fullness. Once I start using the scale to rationalize compulsive eating, it's time for the scale to go. Last night, I put my bathroom scale high in the back of my closet. My challenge will be leaving it up there for the next few weeks.

November 13, 2009 makes sense as a time to weigh myself again, for two reasons. First, and most influentially, I'll be going to the YouTube WLS "Re-Meet and Re-Greet" that weekend. I'll need to know my numbers in case someone asks, or in case we introduce ourselves with that info. Second, November 13 will be my 7-month surgiversary, so it makes sense as a kind of stopping point.

That's it. Wish me luck!

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