Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A Confession...

Last night, I participated in the same compulsive eating behavior that caused me to regain over 100 pounds in law school. I will admit that the incident itself is not disastrous, but it's terrible behavior given that the whole point of the surgery is to force changed eating habits.

I'll save you the stupid details, but I was told last night by my school that I am at risk of not graduating. I was already pushing it on some assignments, but they gave me some (ultimately inaccurate) information that made everything seem even more like a nightmare. I decided that one of my assignments needed an all-nighter from me, so I did it.

At around 1:30 or 1:45 AM it was time for my last protein shake (I know, that's ridiculous.) But before I had the shake, I had an overwhelming urge to eat something comforting - so I had a sugar-free Fudgesicle and 4 tiny spoonfuls of my fat-free, low-sugar cream cheese dessert (probably about an ounce altogether.) My stomach started to hurt a little after the fourth bite of the cream cheese dessert because it knew I wasn't supposed to be eating then, so I stopped there.

Is this the end of the world? No. I didn't take in that many calories (maybe 75?) and I've now disposed of the cream cheese dessert stuff. But it's bad because weight loss surgery is all about changing your habits, and I absolutely must learn to turn somewhere other than the fridge when I'm feeling stressed. Hopefully I'll improve.

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