Hi folks. It's been a while. I will catch you up on my progress (or lack thereof, or regression) when I have time. In the meantime, it's become 2011 and I haven't checked back in on those goals yet. I also need to set my 2011 goals. I am not sure whether I'll have 50 in 2011, but I like this method overall.
WEIGHT, BODY SIZE & HEALTH
-Reach 188 pounds - an "overweight" BMI. MET. Though right now, I'm a couple pounds over that and back up in "obese" territory. It will only be a momentary stay. I've had issues with night binging the past month or two.
-Reach 154 pounds - a "normal" BMI. Not met at all and probably won't ever be met in this life.
-Maintain or get below 154 pounds at the end of the year. Totally didn't happen in any way, at all. I don't think my body will get that low in weight, though it should be lower than it is now.
-Wear a size Small shirt. MET (although I am in Mediums again right now - ARGH)
-Buy at least one bra from Victoria's Secret. MET, although VS doesn't make my size so now I get them from eBay.
-Unsubscribe from Lane Bryant's mailing list. MET.
-Get labs of my vitamin levels drawn at least once. MET, though I'd like to get it done again because my ferritin and Vitamin D were a little lower than I'd prefer.
-Revisit my surgeon for at least one check up. MET in early March, even though I never wrote up my recap. He was pleased with my weight progress.
-Go to the dentist for a teeth cleaning and go to the gyno. Not met. I really need to go to the dentist.
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY & ADVENTURE
-Complete the Couch to 5K program. Not met on purpose.
-Register for and complete at least 3 "races" of any length. Walking them is fine. Not met. I did the Charleston Cooper River Bridge Run and registered for the Outer Banks Half Marathon, but the people I was supposed to do Outer Banks with didn't get back to me, and I wasn't motivated enough to do it on my own. I think I'll revisit this goal for 2011.
-Go hiking at least 3 times. MET. Went twice at Carrick Creek at Table Rock and once at the Clemson Botanical Gardens.
-Go fishing at least once. MET! My family did this for my birthday.
-Go to a yoga studio, preferably for bikram or "hot" yoga, at least once. MET - and it has been glorious.
TRAVEL (none met. My September "travel time" wound up being focused on Michigan; I traveled up there with my grandmother to see my dying great aunt.)
-At least once, travel to a country I've never visited. Not met.
-Visit Los Angeles. Not met.
-Visit at least one state I've never been to, preferably Texas. Not met.
READING (This was a big flop.)
-Read Pierre Bourdieu, Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste. Not met.
-Read Frantz Fanon's The Wretched of the Earth (nope, I've never read it all the way through.) Not met.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Sidewalk. Not met. Checked it out from Library, but didn't get through it. Wound up reading "Honky" by Dalton Conley instead.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Slim's Table: Race, Respectability, and Masculinity. Not met.
-Read Katherine S. Newman & Victor Tan Chen, The Missing Class: Portraits of the Near Poor in America. Purchased, but only partially read.
-Read Katherine S. Newman, No Shame in My Game: The Working Poor in the Inner City. Not met.
-Read Mary Patillo's Black on the Block: The Politics of Race and Class in the City. Not met.
-Read William Julius Wilson, More Than Just Race: Being Black and Poor in the Inner City. MET.
-Read William Julius Wilson, The Truly Disadvantaged: The Inner City, the Underclass, and Public Policy. Checked out from the library and partially read, but not completed.
-Read William Julius Wilson & Richard P. Taub, There Goes the Neighborhood: Racial, Ethnic, and Class Tensions in Four Chicago Neighborhoods and Their Meaning for America. Not met.
PROFESSIONAL
-Finish revising my SAW for publication. Not met and I realized that I didn't want to meet it. That paper has little to do with my new research focus, so I don't see the point of moving forward with it at this time.
-Build my personal website. Well, I started a new food blog, but I think the actual personal website will make more sense once I'm back in grad school (provided that I get in).
-Take the GRE and score above 700 on verbal and at least 650 on quantitative. MET!
-Pass the MPRE. MET.
-Gain admission to graduate school and/or get an appellate clerkship. In August, I modified this goal to "Apply for graduate school." I've applied to several schools: Chicago, Duke, Harvard (2 programs there), Michigan, Penn, and Princeton so far, and Yale is due today. So MET.
-During any gap of time between my clerkship and my next job, write and publish at least one op-ed or an LTE in a major newspaper. I actually did publish an op-ed in a major newspaper - the Washington Post - but not during the gap of time between clerkship and job. I published it with the blessing of my job. I think it counts. :)
-Develop a sharper research focus. Met.
-Finish article review for Professor Schuck and email it to him. Not met. The idea of sending in an assignment from May 2009 seems ridiculous at this point.
COOKING & EATING
-Cook with or eat 20 ingredients that I've never tried. MET.
-Write at least 15 new recipes. Completed. Mostly on my new blog, Audacity of Cooking.
-Go to McClellanville or similar coastal area to purchase fresh seafood. Not met. I just never got back down there. I was supposed to swing by en route from Charleston to Myrtle Beach in August, but wound up going back home from taking the MPRE and then going to Myrtle Beach directly from Columbia.
-Dine in at least one of the following New York restaurants: Brad Farmerie's Public, Seamus Mullen's Boqueria, Eric Ripert's Le Bernardin, Dan Barber's Blue Hill in Greenwich Village or at Stone Barns, Wylie Dufresne's WD-50, Daniel Humm's Eleven Madison Park, Anita Lo's Annisa (when repaired), Geoffrey Zakarian's Town, Alex Guernaschelli's Butter, Aaron Sanchez's Centrico, Floyd Cardoz's Tabla, or Gramercy Tavern. MET! Ate at Butter in March.
-Dine at Sean Brock's McCrady's in Charleston. MET. Wasn't as great as I'd hoped, but I was comparing it to my experience at John Besh's August and perhaps that wasn't fair.
CULTURE & COMMUNITY
-Continue volunteering at the shelter through September 2010. This was a bust. As I explained in my last check-in, I never heard back from the project manager after my last meeting with the ladies. I am pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong, but she was never the easiest to contact via email. Perhaps I should have been more aggressive in reaching out to her, but I'd started to feel like I was more of a burden on them, like they wanted to keep me around but didn't really need me to drive anymore.
-Volunteer somewhere other than the shelter at least once. Oddly, I didn't do this unless you count volunteering for extra projects at work. Work is now a legal services office, so it was actually the same kind of work I would have completely volunteered to do. Plus, I did a yoga training for working with homeless, overweight, mentally ill, and addicted communities that was built up around the idea of service - but I haven't volunteered anywhere yet. ::sigh:: looks like a fail.
-Watch all five seasons of The Wire. MET! And it was amazing. I am so glad I did this. Season 4 absolutely blew my mind; I am still haunted by it months later.
-Watch the Roots miniseries (nope, I've never seen it - no one revoke my "black card" please.) Yet again, I forgot about this. Shameful. I can't decide whether to add for 2011 or not?
-See at least two live theater shows. Not met. I forgot about this one.
OTHER
-Write at least ten relatively lengthy emails to catch up with friends/colleagues with whom I haven't spoken recently. Nope. Just one.
-Have at least 5 meaningful conversations about religion/faith/spirituality. Not really.
-Go to karaoke at least once. Yes! Finally, on the weekend of December 19th. It was so fun.
-Pay off my credit cards completely at least once (they may still have a balance at the end of 2010.) MET!
-Own my own car/get my current car off my mother's insurance. Not met, not on a fellowship salary . . .
Goals Completed: 23/50
Goals Deliberately Abandoned: 8
Weight, Body Size & Health Goals Met: 6/9
Physical Activity and Adventure Goals Met: 3/5
Travel Goals Met: 0/3
Reading Goals Met: 1/10
Professional Goals Met: 6/8
Cooking & Eating Goals Met: 4/5
Culture & Community Goals Met: 1/5
"Other" Goals Met: 2/5
Showing posts with label milestones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label milestones. Show all posts
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Update on the Last Half of August 2010
As you can tell, the blog went on hiatus for a couple weeks. I've learned a great deal during that time. If anyone's been concerned that I've "fallen off the wagon" in any way - don't. In fact, I weigh a little less today than I did 2 weeks ago.
Weight and Food Tracking
On the morning of August 15, my weight was 178.0. That was up a little more than 8 pounds from my lowest weight of 169.8. You see my food logs from that time - no, I wasn't doing anything that should have caused weight gain. I attribute it to hormones.
This morning, I was 176.7. This whole time, I've been between 176.0 and 178.0. So, the weight is holding steady, which is all I'm aiming for at this point (I need to write a separate post about the purgatory between loss phase and maintenance phase.) But anyway, no cause for alarm w/r/t the scale.
Apparently (at least right now when my routine and habits are relatively stable), I don't need to count every macronutrient every day in order to maintain my weight. As long as I keep track of what I'm eating and make sure the protein is high, the carbs are low, and the fat is reasonable, I can maintain my weight loss.
I'm going to try tracking every bite, but without all the nutritional analysis. This is basically what I did at the beginning of this blog; then I slowly started tracking other things. A few weeks after surgery, I realized my proteins were too low, so I started tracking calories and protein. It wasn't until October 21, 2009, over six months after surgery, that I started tracking carbs. On December 1, 2009, shortly after a particularly horrible gall bladder attack (I'm assuming that's what it was, since I never bothered to get the scan), I started tracking fat. I said I was only going to do it for the "next few weeks," but I wound up tracking fat for the next 9+ months.
I guess it all comes full circle. At least for right now, I'm not going to track macronutrients. I'm not worried about getting enough protein, as I continue to have 2-4 protein supplements a day in addition to eating high-protein, and relatively low-carb meals. BUT - if I notice repercussions on the scale, or if I start allowing more bad habits to creep in because of this change, I'll go back to a more detailed form of tracking.
Yoga
I hurt my wrist trying to do crane pose at Greenville Yoga (formerly known as North Main Yoga) on Saturday:
Yeah, mine didn't look like that so much.
Support Group
Last Tuesday, August 24 was my last WLS support group meeting in this town. The group gave me an angel pin as a going away gift/good luck token. They typically give them to people at their last meeting before surgery, but because I didn't have surgery here, I didn't have one. It was so sweet of the group leader to make sure I got an angel emblem as I head off on my new journey; it really made me feel a full part of the group. I will miss these folks.
There is a group at GW Hospital in DC that meets with about the same regularity, so I hope to build a nice community there.
Weight and Food Tracking
On the morning of August 15, my weight was 178.0. That was up a little more than 8 pounds from my lowest weight of 169.8. You see my food logs from that time - no, I wasn't doing anything that should have caused weight gain. I attribute it to hormones.
This morning, I was 176.7. This whole time, I've been between 176.0 and 178.0. So, the weight is holding steady, which is all I'm aiming for at this point (I need to write a separate post about the purgatory between loss phase and maintenance phase.) But anyway, no cause for alarm w/r/t the scale.
Apparently (at least right now when my routine and habits are relatively stable), I don't need to count every macronutrient every day in order to maintain my weight. As long as I keep track of what I'm eating and make sure the protein is high, the carbs are low, and the fat is reasonable, I can maintain my weight loss.
I'm going to try tracking every bite, but without all the nutritional analysis. This is basically what I did at the beginning of this blog; then I slowly started tracking other things. A few weeks after surgery, I realized my proteins were too low, so I started tracking calories and protein. It wasn't until October 21, 2009, over six months after surgery, that I started tracking carbs. On December 1, 2009, shortly after a particularly horrible gall bladder attack (I'm assuming that's what it was, since I never bothered to get the scan), I started tracking fat. I said I was only going to do it for the "next few weeks," but I wound up tracking fat for the next 9+ months.
I guess it all comes full circle. At least for right now, I'm not going to track macronutrients. I'm not worried about getting enough protein, as I continue to have 2-4 protein supplements a day in addition to eating high-protein, and relatively low-carb meals. BUT - if I notice repercussions on the scale, or if I start allowing more bad habits to creep in because of this change, I'll go back to a more detailed form of tracking.
Yoga
I hurt my wrist trying to do crane pose at Greenville Yoga (formerly known as North Main Yoga) on Saturday:
Yeah, mine didn't look like that so much.
-
I'm slowly preparing myself to say goodbye to my beloved City Yoga. I took my last Sunday morning class with the founder of the studio this past Sunday. The yogis and yoginis of City Yoga have apparently taught me well: When I was visiting Greenville Yoga this weekend, the teacher could tell from my practice that I normally study an alignment-focused style of yoga (Iyengar and Anusara are generally very alignment-focused.) It was awesome to feel like my asana practice is reflecting what I've learned from my teachers. I am thankful to the teachers at City Yoga, particularly Annie, Stacey, and Dara, for helping me build the foundations of my yoga practice.
Food
I broke my blender after just a few months of protein frosties. I went out immediately that day and bought a new one, the same make and model as the old one. Perhaps I should have gotten something sturdier and more expensive, but I've grown attached to this specific type of blender.
My biggest struggle over the past couple of weeks of not tracking has been - you guessed it - avoiding compulsive eating. This challenge has been exacerbated by the fact that I've been going to bed later than usual, sometimes even 2 AM on a weeknight (which has impacted my cardio exercise schedule.) I have eaten some things that people consider "bad" - I did a cupcake sampling with full sugar cupcakes from a local bakery, never eating all of any cupcake, but tasting 13 of them. I ate some sugar-free chocolates, chocolate Goldfish crackers, plantain chips, even a few pretzel M&Ms. With the exception of the Goldfish crackers, I was successfully able to eat a few bites and toss the rest. I'm less worried about my forays with sugar/carbs than I am about my ongoing propensity to overeat. For example, yesterday, I gorged myself with raw cashews. I also had a few plantain chips, less than 1/3 of a bag. I am not worried about the plantain chips, but my inability to stop eating past the point of fullness is frightening. I will continue to work on this, as I surely will be for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I've made some pretty awesome WLS-friendly dinners over the past couple of weeks. Here are some of the goodies I've been enjoying:
Food
I broke my blender after just a few months of protein frosties. I went out immediately that day and bought a new one, the same make and model as the old one. Perhaps I should have gotten something sturdier and more expensive, but I've grown attached to this specific type of blender.
My biggest struggle over the past couple of weeks of not tracking has been - you guessed it - avoiding compulsive eating. This challenge has been exacerbated by the fact that I've been going to bed later than usual, sometimes even 2 AM on a weeknight (which has impacted my cardio exercise schedule.) I have eaten some things that people consider "bad" - I did a cupcake sampling with full sugar cupcakes from a local bakery, never eating all of any cupcake, but tasting 13 of them. I ate some sugar-free chocolates, chocolate Goldfish crackers, plantain chips, even a few pretzel M&Ms. With the exception of the Goldfish crackers, I was successfully able to eat a few bites and toss the rest. I'm less worried about my forays with sugar/carbs than I am about my ongoing propensity to overeat. For example, yesterday, I gorged myself with raw cashews. I also had a few plantain chips, less than 1/3 of a bag. I am not worried about the plantain chips, but my inability to stop eating past the point of fullness is frightening. I will continue to work on this, as I surely will be for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I've made some pretty awesome WLS-friendly dinners over the past couple of weeks. Here are some of the goodies I've been enjoying:
Support Group
Last Tuesday, August 24 was my last WLS support group meeting in this town. The group gave me an angel pin as a going away gift/good luck token. They typically give them to people at their last meeting before surgery, but because I didn't have surgery here, I didn't have one. It was so sweet of the group leader to make sure I got an angel emblem as I head off on my new journey; it really made me feel a full part of the group. I will miss these folks.
There is a group at GW Hospital in DC that meets with about the same regularity, so I hope to build a nice community there.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Travel Planning, Then v. Now
Next week, I'm going to be in Missouri working at a leadership camp for college students, and I couldn't be more excited.
I was a counselor at the camp last May as well, just 5 weeks after my surgery. (See food logs and commentary here.) I thought I was totally on top of things. I brought every morsel of food that I planned to eat that week with me - but, turns out I didn't have any place to refrigerate it. I didn't want to draw attention to myself, I guess, so I didn't ask any of the staff for help with that. So, I kept the food (mostly vegetarian meat substitutes) in my sweltering room and hoped for the best. Of course, it spoiled a little over halfway through the week (Genius!) Thank God I was on regular foods and could make do with the cafeteria.
I feel so much more relaxed headed into this year's camp, for a few reasons.
(1) I'm not bringing anything that needs refrigeration. I may buy some things like yogurt and Babybel cheese once I get there, and I have some shelf-stable almond milk that I'll keep in the staff lounge's fridge, but I'm primarily bringing protein powders, RTDs, jerky, and nuts. The RTDs will go in my checked baggage, but I'll have plenty of powdered protein and snacks in my carry-on.
(2) I'm planning to eat in the cafeteria with everyone else. I've gotten to a point now where I can navigate all kinds of restaurants. Buffets and cafeterias are particularly WLS-friendly, I think, because you can just get a bunch of tiny bits of things and eat them, and there are usually at least a few good protein options. I know there will be a salad bar for every meal. I know there will be an omelet station in the morning. I'm going to eat a couple chunks of fruit every night during "snack" (but, unlike one night last year, I'm not going to eat pizza toppings.)
In other words, despite my oft-reported struggles with compulsive eating, food doesn't scare me anymore. Yes, there will be temptation, but I can do hard things.
(3) Everyone's going to know I had surgery, or at least that I'm eating differently. I've lost nearly 100 pounds since they saw me last; I was in the low 270s or high 260s in late May 2009. It feels easier to eat small portions in front of them after having some success.
I'll still be logging my food and exercise daily. I purchased a travel exercise mat for self-guided yoga and Pilates DVDs, and I'm also bringing some of my Leslie Sansone DVDs. There's a track there too, so I'll probably do some walking. It's going to be great!
I was a counselor at the camp last May as well, just 5 weeks after my surgery. (See food logs and commentary here.) I thought I was totally on top of things. I brought every morsel of food that I planned to eat that week with me - but, turns out I didn't have any place to refrigerate it. I didn't want to draw attention to myself, I guess, so I didn't ask any of the staff for help with that. So, I kept the food (mostly vegetarian meat substitutes) in my sweltering room and hoped for the best. Of course, it spoiled a little over halfway through the week (Genius!) Thank God I was on regular foods and could make do with the cafeteria.
I feel so much more relaxed headed into this year's camp, for a few reasons.
(1) I'm not bringing anything that needs refrigeration. I may buy some things like yogurt and Babybel cheese once I get there, and I have some shelf-stable almond milk that I'll keep in the staff lounge's fridge, but I'm primarily bringing protein powders, RTDs, jerky, and nuts. The RTDs will go in my checked baggage, but I'll have plenty of powdered protein and snacks in my carry-on.
(2) I'm planning to eat in the cafeteria with everyone else. I've gotten to a point now where I can navigate all kinds of restaurants. Buffets and cafeterias are particularly WLS-friendly, I think, because you can just get a bunch of tiny bits of things and eat them, and there are usually at least a few good protein options. I know there will be a salad bar for every meal. I know there will be an omelet station in the morning. I'm going to eat a couple chunks of fruit every night during "snack" (but, unlike one night last year, I'm not going to eat pizza toppings.)
In other words, despite my oft-reported struggles with compulsive eating, food doesn't scare me anymore. Yes, there will be temptation, but I can do hard things.
(3) Everyone's going to know I had surgery, or at least that I'm eating differently. I've lost nearly 100 pounds since they saw me last; I was in the low 270s or high 260s in late May 2009. It feels easier to eat small portions in front of them after having some success.
I'll still be logging my food and exercise daily. I purchased a travel exercise mat for self-guided yoga and Pilates DVDs, and I'm also bringing some of my Leslie Sansone DVDs. There's a track there too, so I'll probably do some walking. It's going to be great!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
You Know This Is a Plus-Size Store, Right?
Talk about a non-scale victory:
On Friday after work, I stopped by Avenue, a plus-size store, to pick up some skirts for work. Even now, over a year after my surgery, I'm still wearing sizes 14 and 16 in skirts, even though I wear sizes 6 and 8 in tops. (I could definitely use a lower body lift.) Anyway, I went to Avenue because one of my favorite work skirts that I've been wearing since September came from there.
The store was quite empty for a Friday afternoon, so the employees were antsy and looking for customers to chat up. I hate salespeople interjecting themselves into my shopping, so I tried to avoid the oddly thin woman sauntering around the sales floor. I was unsuccessful.
Saleswoman: Hey, what can I help you find today?
Me: Umm...well. Umm, where are your skirts? (She takes me to the professional-style skirts.)
Saleswoman: (invasively looking me up and down) What size do you wear, darlin'?
Me: (awkwardly, in disbelief she's asking me such personal questions) Uhhhhhhhhh... I don't really know...?
Saleswoman: (brusquely) 'Cause you know, this is all plus sizes [sic] in here.
Me: (speechless, thinking "OMG, did she just tell me I can't shop here?").
She chatted with me a bit longer about charge cards or some other nonsense, but after she walked away, I slipped out of the store, laughing aloud. This was hilarious, especially since I was wearing a Size 18 skirt at the time (admittedly, a touch too big.)
I've felt like such an imposter in regular stores the past several months. I've even worried that a salesperson is going to walk up to me and straightforwardly tell me I don't belong there. Even now, when salespeople aren't friendly, I assume it's because they think I'm too fat for their store.
Lo and behold, when a salesperson finally confronts me about shopping in the right place, it happens at a plus-size store. To paraphrase The Grateful Dead, what a long, strange trip RNY is!
This encounter lifted my spirits a lot at a time when I really needed it. I've been so frustrated with the stagnation of my weight loss, and I've felt so fat because I seem to be unable to shrink my thighs and midsection. Maybe my remaining concentrated bulk is a little less obvious than I thought?
On Friday after work, I stopped by Avenue, a plus-size store, to pick up some skirts for work. Even now, over a year after my surgery, I'm still wearing sizes 14 and 16 in skirts, even though I wear sizes 6 and 8 in tops. (I could definitely use a lower body lift.) Anyway, I went to Avenue because one of my favorite work skirts that I've been wearing since September came from there.
The store was quite empty for a Friday afternoon, so the employees were antsy and looking for customers to chat up. I hate salespeople interjecting themselves into my shopping, so I tried to avoid the oddly thin woman sauntering around the sales floor. I was unsuccessful.
Saleswoman: Hey, what can I help you find today?
Me: Umm...well. Umm, where are your skirts? (She takes me to the professional-style skirts.)
Saleswoman: (invasively looking me up and down) What size do you wear, darlin'?
Me: (awkwardly, in disbelief she's asking me such personal questions) Uhhhhhhhhh... I don't really know...?
Saleswoman: (brusquely) 'Cause you know, this is all plus sizes [sic] in here.
Me: (speechless, thinking "OMG, did she just tell me I can't shop here?").
She chatted with me a bit longer about charge cards or some other nonsense, but after she walked away, I slipped out of the store, laughing aloud. This was hilarious, especially since I was wearing a Size 18 skirt at the time (admittedly, a touch too big.)
I've felt like such an imposter in regular stores the past several months. I've even worried that a salesperson is going to walk up to me and straightforwardly tell me I don't belong there. Even now, when salespeople aren't friendly, I assume it's because they think I'm too fat for their store.
Lo and behold, when a salesperson finally confronts me about shopping in the right place, it happens at a plus-size store. To paraphrase The Grateful Dead, what a long, strange trip RNY is!
This encounter lifted my spirits a lot at a time when I really needed it. I've been so frustrated with the stagnation of my weight loss, and I've felt so fat because I seem to be unable to shrink my thighs and midsection. Maybe my remaining concentrated bulk is a little less obvious than I thought?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
What I Ate: April 13, 2010 - Rebirthday Edition
::singing:: Do you know what today is?/It's my surgiversary/ surgiversary . . . surgiversary . . . my surgiversary (to the tune of Tony! Toni! Tone!'s 1993 hit "Anniversary." Hey, I'm a child of 1990s).
I celebrated my technical surgiversary, which was at 7 AM, with a Leslie Sansone walk DVD and the intermediate Pilates DVD.
After work, I went to the local support group meeting where a plastic surgeon was speaking. That would have been cool, except that he oddly spent most of his lecture talking about plastic surgery generally instead of focusing specifically on post weight-loss surgery body contouring. Me, being the impatient person I am, actually interrupted him at one point to ask if he had any slides on plastics after weight loss. I was tired of looking at disgusting trauma photos that had nothing to do with us. Time is money!
I'll be writing a more reflective rebirthday post this weekend, hopefully after doing something with more sentimental value to celebrate.
Oh, and FYI - I didn't quite reach my goal to be in the 170s. I ate too much this past weekend. I was actually in the high 170s on Thursday and Friday of last week, but now I'm back in the low 180s. Hoping to get back to the 170s soon!
- 1 vanilla Oh Yeah! as creamer in 4 decaf coffees (220 kcals, 32g protein, 3g net carbs, 9g fat)
- 1 Spinachy Chicken Burger (recipe forthcoming?) (75 kcals, 12g protein, 3.5g net carbs, 0.4g fat) with 1 slice Kraft fat-free Swiss (25 kcals, 4g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat) and 2 small slices of tomato (5 kcals, 1g carbs). Total - (105 kcals, 16g protein, 6.5g net carbs, 0.4g fat)
- 1 100-calorie pack cocoa almonds (100 kcals, 3g protein, 2g net carbs, 9g fat)
- Chicken-bacon-ranch salad: 2 oz. chicken breast (62 kcals, 13.2g protein, 0g carbs, 0.8g fat), 2 strips Jennie-O extra lean turkey bacon (40 kcals, 6g protein, 0g carbs, 1g fat), thinly sliced red onion (7 kcals, 1g net carbs), a little diced tomato (7 kcals, 2g carbs), 1 slice Kraft fat-free American cheese (25 kcals, 4g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat) and lemon ranch dressing - Fage based (15 kcals, 1.5g protein, 2g net carbs, 0g fat) over mache/frisee/radicchio salad mix (10 kcals, 0.6g protein, 1g net carbs, 0g fat). Total - (166 kcals, 23.7g protein, 7g net carbs, 1g fat).
- Peanut butter cookie protein fage: 1/2 cup Fage with (60 kcals, 10g protein, 4.5g net carbs, 0g fat), 1 scoop Inspire peanut butter cookie protein (132 kcals, 25g protein, 1g carbs, 1g fat), and 1 tbsp. SF Hershey's chocolate syrup (8 kcals, 2g net carbs). Total - (200 kcals, 35g protein, 7.5g net carbs, 1g fat).
- Nibbles of carrots - was attempting carrot chips. It didn't quite work out too well, and I wound up eating the failed chips. (estimating 60 kcals, 1.4g protein, 12g net carbs)
- 2 Bariatric Advantage calcium citrate chews, 1 raspberry, one chocolate (30 kcals, 2.5g net carbs)
- 3 Bariatric Advantage cinnamon calcium citrate lozenges (12 kcals, 3g carbs)
- 2 Celebrate orange multivitamins (10 kcals, 2g net carbs)
- 2 Celebrate grape iron + c (10 kcals, 3g net carbs)
Total:
913 calories
111.1g protein
48.7% kcals from protein. (The carrots got me.)
48.5g net carbs (would have been golden without the carrots!)
21.2% kcals from net carbs
20.4g fat
20.1% kcals from fat.
I celebrated my technical surgiversary, which was at 7 AM, with a Leslie Sansone walk DVD and the intermediate Pilates DVD.
After work, I went to the local support group meeting where a plastic surgeon was speaking. That would have been cool, except that he oddly spent most of his lecture talking about plastic surgery generally instead of focusing specifically on post weight-loss surgery body contouring. Me, being the impatient person I am, actually interrupted him at one point to ask if he had any slides on plastics after weight loss. I was tired of looking at disgusting trauma photos that had nothing to do with us. Time is money!
I'll be writing a more reflective rebirthday post this weekend, hopefully after doing something with more sentimental value to celebrate.
Oh, and FYI - I didn't quite reach my goal to be in the 170s. I ate too much this past weekend. I was actually in the high 170s on Thursday and Friday of last week, but now I'm back in the low 180s. Hoping to get back to the 170s soon!
Monday, April 12, 2010
What I Ate: April 12, 2010
- 1 chocolate Oh Yeah! as creamer in 4 decaf coffees (220 kcals, 32g protein, 3g net carbs, 9g fat)
- 1 scoop Nectar fuzzy navel protein (90 kcals, 23g protein, 0g carbs, 0g fat) in 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk (20 kcals, 0.5g protein, 0.5g carbs, 1.5g fat) and 1/2 packet white peach tea Crystal Light (5 kcals, 1g carbs). Total - (115 kcals, 23.5g protein, 1.5g carbs, 1.5g fat)
- 1 charoset truffle (approx. 48 kcals, 0.5g protein, 8g net carbs, 2g fat)
- 1 100-calorie pack natural almonds and walnuts (100 kcals, 3g protein, 2g net carbs, 9g fat)
- Really big salad chicken-bacon-ranch salad: 3 oz. chicken breast (93 kcals, 19.8g protein, 0g carbs, 1.2g fat), 2 strips Jennie-O extra lean turkey bacon (40 kcals, 6g protein, 0g carbs, 1g fat), thinly sliced red onion (7 kcals, 1g net carbs), a little diced tomato (7 kcals, 2g carbs), 1 slice Kraft fat-free American cheese (25 kcals, 4g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat) and my spicy-smoky ranch dressing - Fage based (20 kcals, 1.5g protein, 2.5g net carbs, 0g fat) over mache/frisee/radicchio salad mix (10 kcals, 0.6g protein, 1g net carbs, 0g fat). Total (202 kcals, 31.9g protein, 8.5g carbs, 2.2g fat)
- Peanut butter cookie protein fage: 1/2 cup Fage with (60 kcals, 10g protein, 4.5g net carbs, 0g fat), 1 scoop Inspire peanut butter cookie protein (132 kcals, 25g protein, 1g carbs, 1g fat), and 1 tbsp. SF Hershey's chocolate syrup (8 kcals, 2g net carbs). Total - (200 kcals, 35g protein, 7.5g net carbs, 1g fat).
- 2 Bariatric Advantage raspberry calcium citrate chewy bites (30 kcals, 2.5g net carbs)
- 2 Bariatric Advantage cinnamon calcium citrate lozenges (8 kcals, 2g carbs)
- 2 Celebrate orange multivitamins (10 kcals, 2g net carbs)
- 2 Celebrate grape iron + c (10 kcals, 3g net carbs)
Total:Exercise: I did the Intermediate Pilates DVD this morning at 6:30 or so, and then went for a 3.5-mile walk after work.
943 calories
125.9g protein
53.4% kcals from protein
40g net carbs
17.0% kcals from net carbs
24.7g fat
23.6% kcals from fat.
Tomorrow is my one-year surgiversary. This time last year, I was recovering from an Olive Garden meal of spaghetti and meatballs and breadsticks, shoveling down as many bowls of Quaker Oat cereal as possible, and hanging out with my mom at the townhouse we were staying at in Branford, CT. It was fun times.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Numerical Goal for One-Year "Surgiversary"
In anticipation of my upcoming one-year "surgiversary" (next Tuesday! April 13, 2010!), I'm setting a little numerical goal: the 170s. I want to be at least 179.9 on Tuesday morning.
This is slightly ambitious. As you may know, I'm losing weight at a slow crawl at this point. My weight fluctuates + or - 10 pounds sometimes. But I've lost about 2 pounds over the past week or so, and this morning I got a bunch of different readings ranging from 181.6 to 179.3, with a mode of 180.0 (I think my scale may be a little on the fritz.) I probably won't meet this goal if the 181.6 reading was correct, but if the 180.0 was right, I should definitely be able to lose 0.1 pounds in 5 days - I think.
I've gotten more into activity goals, like participating in walk/run events or going to certain yoga classes. Numerical goals tend to be bad news in general, but especially for people like me for whom weight loss does not seem to correlate with plan adherence. For example, I lost weight this weekend, even though I went on a crazy carb spree that included Fiber One cereal, honey wheat dinner rolls, and sugar-free triple chocolate fudge ice cream. I'd planned to give myself that leeway, so I don't feel guilty about it, but it was still off-plan. A month ago, I was gaining weight despite following a low-carb, high-protein eating plan and exercising regularly.
For this reason, I won't be bent out of shape if I don't make the goal, or if my weight takes a turn upward. As long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, I'll be cool with it.
So, April 13th goal: 179.9. Root for me!
This is slightly ambitious. As you may know, I'm losing weight at a slow crawl at this point. My weight fluctuates + or - 10 pounds sometimes. But I've lost about 2 pounds over the past week or so, and this morning I got a bunch of different readings ranging from 181.6 to 179.3, with a mode of 180.0 (I think my scale may be a little on the fritz.) I probably won't meet this goal if the 181.6 reading was correct, but if the 180.0 was right, I should definitely be able to lose 0.1 pounds in 5 days - I think.
I've gotten more into activity goals, like participating in walk/run events or going to certain yoga classes. Numerical goals tend to be bad news in general, but especially for people like me for whom weight loss does not seem to correlate with plan adherence. For example, I lost weight this weekend, even though I went on a crazy carb spree that included Fiber One cereal, honey wheat dinner rolls, and sugar-free triple chocolate fudge ice cream. I'd planned to give myself that leeway, so I don't feel guilty about it, but it was still off-plan. A month ago, I was gaining weight despite following a low-carb, high-protein eating plan and exercising regularly.
For this reason, I won't be bent out of shape if I don't make the goal, or if my weight takes a turn upward. As long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, I'll be cool with it.
So, April 13th goal: 179.9. Root for me!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
What I Ate: April 7, 2010
- 1/2 scoop Nectar cappuccino and 1/2 scoop Nectar vanilla bean torte (90 kcals, 23g protein, 0g carbs, 0g fat) in 1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk (40 kcals, 1g protein, 1g carbs, 3g fat). Total - (130 kcals, 24g protein, 1g carbs, 3g fat).
- 4 slices Hormel Natural Choice roast beef (60 kcals, 11g protein, 0g carbs, 2g fat) and 2 slices Kraft fat-free cheese (50 kcals, 8g protein, 4g carbs, 0g fat)
- 1 Pure Protein vanilla cream shake in two decaf coffees (160 kcals, 35g protein, 2g carbs, 1g fat)
- 3 sausage-onion Eggface bites (69 kcals, 10.2g protein, 1.2g net carbs, 2.1g fat) and 3 bacon-mushroom Eggface bites (60 kcals, 6.5g protein, 1.8g net carbs, 2.4g fat). Total - (129 kcals, 16.7g protein, 3g net carbs, 4.5g fat).
- 1 pack roasted/salted pistachios (120 kcals, 5g protein, 4g net carbs, 9g fat)
- Chicken-bacon-ranch salad: 3 oz. (when raw) chicken breast (93 kcals, 19.8g protein, 0g carbs, 1.2g fat), 1 strip Jennie-O extra lean turkey bacon (20 kcals, 3g protein, 0g carbs, 0.5g fat), 7 grams very thinly sliced red onion (3 kcals), and my interpretation of spicy-smoky ranch dressing - Fage based (12 kcals, 1.5g protein, 1.5g net carbs, 0g fat) over mache salad mix (10 kcals, 0.6g protein, 1g net carbs, 0g fat). Total - (138 kcals, 24.9g protein, 2.5g net carbs, 1.7g fat). This was incredible! Will definitely repeat . . .
- 1/2 cup Fage with (60 kcals, 10g protein, 4.5g net carbs, 0g fat), 1/2 scoop ice cream sandwich scoop (63 kcals, 15g protein, 1g carbs, 0g fat) and 1 tbsp. cheesecake pudding (20 kcals, 5g carbs), 1 tbsp. chocolate syrup (8 kcals, 2g net carbs). Total - (151 kcals, 25g protein, 12.5g net carbs, 0g fat).
- 2 Bariatric Advantage chocolate chewy bites (30 kcals, 3g net carbs)
- 3 Bariatric Advantage cinnamon calcium citrate lozenges (12 kcals, 3g carbs)
- 2 Celebrate orange multivitamins (10 kcals, 2g net carbs)
- 3 Celebrate grape iron + c (15 kcals, 4g net carbs)
- 1 Solaray B-Complex strawberry-kiwi wafer (15 kcals, 2g net carbs)
Total:Exercise:
990 calories
149.6g protein (wow!)
60.4% kcals from protein
43g net carbs
17.4% kcals from net carbs
21.2g fat
19.3% kcals from fat.
I decided to start the day with yoga! I did "Warm and Slow Flow" at 6:15 AM for 75 minutes. I usually do a Wednesday night Basic Yoga class, but my instructor is pregnant with twins. Even though I really like the person who is subbing for her this week, I wanted to sample somethings else and figured now would be a good time. But the main reason I decided to try the morning class this week is because I need to spend hours tonight shopping for my first regular-sized dress for an alumni event on Saturday.*
I plan to do serious cardio tomorrow morning, so I did the Quick Start Pilates for Weight Loss DVD tonight before Top Chef Masters.
*Shopping for dresses in the regular-sized section is totally overwhelming. So many choices! I've tried on 15-20 dresses for the past two nights and am confused about what to get. I like a lot of them, but what is my style? What will look good with a jacket/shrug on top? Are there any cute dresses with sleeves out there? I used to let Lane Bryant define my personal style - whatever they had is what I wore, and I liked that. Lane Bryant generally has a very "me" aesthetic. But now that I can't shop there, I'm totally in the weeds when it comes to my "look." I bought a dress tonight for a low price at JCPenney's. I hope it works.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My First Running Shoes.
After work on Monday, I bought a pair of these:
for the Cooper River Bridge 10K this weekend. Even walking, I still want real shoes. These are stability shoes, perfect for flat-footed people like me.
Yeah, so they aren't the most fashionable shoes ever, but I'm still glad to have them. My first real running shoes! :-)
Monday, March 22, 2010
This Sunday, at Yoga
I did this:
This is urdhva dhanurasana (aka wheel pose.)
Disclaimers:
- I'm sure it looked nothing like that. I was able to get my feet flat and elbows straight though!
- I couldn't do it on my own; we did it as a partner exercise where you hold on to your partner's ankles and they help you raise your shoulders.
But whatever. I did it! I also did reclining hero pose (with props), an asana that seemed difficult to most people in the class despite using props. I couldn't hold the asana the full 5 minutes or so, but I got into the pose and held it a respectable amount of time.
I was dabbling in Level 1.5, a half-step above my usual Basic class - and amazingly, I don't think my performance was completely embarrassing. Slightly, perhaps, but not completely. Yay.
I was dabbling in Level 1.5, a half-step above my usual Basic class - and amazingly, I don't think my performance was completely embarrassing. Slightly, perhaps, but not completely. Yay.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
One-Year Surgery Follow-Up, and Goal-Setting.
Okay, I know - I'm not a year out. I'm not even eleven months out.
Nonetheless, I had my one-year follow-up on March 4. I was in New Haven for a conference, and it seemed smart to make an appointment while I was in town.
My last follow-up was on June 30th for a two-month visit, and I was not happy when I left. They didn't seem to be very happy with my progress. Even though I was exercising a lot and eating 500-800 calories a day, I was told to eat less and move more. I left the appointment more confused than ever about how to make my surgery work.
This visit was markedly different. According to their scales, I was 185.0. There were compliments all around. Of course, they also admonished me to watch my weight and labs very closely. My surgeon advised me not to become complacent and allow weight to creep back on. I've already been through the slow regain thing before, and I'll do whatever I can to avoid it.
My surgeon asked me if I had an ultimate goal weight (phrased in such a way that he was asking for my "dream weight" more than anything touched by realism.) I gave him my random goal weight of 152, which is half of my surgery starting weight of 304, and would give me a high-normal BMI of 24.2. He actually said that I could even go into the 140s (?!), but tempered that by raising the excess skin issue. He didn't give me any specific goals, but he mentioned that 170 might be reasonable, considering that I'm likely to have 15+ pounds of excess skin.
For now, I'm sticking with my 152-156 goal including the excess skin. I see my body. There's a lot of fat left on it that I should be able to lose before heading to the plastic surgeon's table.
This is a side note, but I recently read that BMI is not a good way of determining optimal health for African Americans, particularly African-American women. Apparently, black women tend not to show negative health consequences of a high BMI until it's over 38. Hmm.
Nonetheless, I had my one-year follow-up on March 4. I was in New Haven for a conference, and it seemed smart to make an appointment while I was in town.
My last follow-up was on June 30th for a two-month visit, and I was not happy when I left. They didn't seem to be very happy with my progress. Even though I was exercising a lot and eating 500-800 calories a day, I was told to eat less and move more. I left the appointment more confused than ever about how to make my surgery work.
This visit was markedly different. According to their scales, I was 185.0. There were compliments all around. Of course, they also admonished me to watch my weight and labs very closely. My surgeon advised me not to become complacent and allow weight to creep back on. I've already been through the slow regain thing before, and I'll do whatever I can to avoid it.
My surgeon asked me if I had an ultimate goal weight (phrased in such a way that he was asking for my "dream weight" more than anything touched by realism.) I gave him my random goal weight of 152, which is half of my surgery starting weight of 304, and would give me a high-normal BMI of 24.2. He actually said that I could even go into the 140s (?!), but tempered that by raising the excess skin issue. He didn't give me any specific goals, but he mentioned that 170 might be reasonable, considering that I'm likely to have 15+ pounds of excess skin.
For now, I'm sticking with my 152-156 goal including the excess skin. I see my body. There's a lot of fat left on it that I should be able to lose before heading to the plastic surgeon's table.
This is a side note, but I recently read that BMI is not a good way of determining optimal health for African Americans, particularly African-American women. Apparently, black women tend not to show negative health consequences of a high BMI until it's over 38. Hmm.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Not Obese. Claiming It.
This morning, my lovely scale reported that my weight is 182.6 pounds. At 5'6.5", my current BMI is 29.0. I'm 5.9 pounds below 188.5, the weight at which someone my height has an "obese" BMI of 30.0.
It's great to see the numbers moving down again after such a long hiatus. More stalls are in my future, and I'll fluctuate up again, possibly even 5 pounds. But even so, my weight will be below the obesity line.
My weight has been below 188 in recent days/weeks, but I wasn't confident enough in the numbers to officially declare myself "overweight" (with good reason - on Tuesday morning, the scale said I was 189.) But now I'm feeling secure in this transition.
I'm overweight, y'all!
It's great to see the numbers moving down again after such a long hiatus. More stalls are in my future, and I'll fluctuate up again, possibly even 5 pounds. But even so, my weight will be below the obesity line.
My weight has been below 188 in recent days/weeks, but I wasn't confident enough in the numbers to officially declare myself "overweight" (with good reason - on Tuesday morning, the scale said I was 189.) But now I'm feeling secure in this transition.
I'm overweight, y'all!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Riddle Me This . . .
As you know if you're one of the few people who read this blog, my weight has been fluctuating between 187 and 194 or so for the past month. In order to stop being "obese" per the BMI charts, at 5'6.5" I need to weigh 188 or less. Even at 188, I'm still at the top of the "overweight" BMI range. A "normal" weight of 156 is still a long way off.
So, how is it that I'm able to wear several size S shirts? Granted, most of them came from stores with generous "vanity-sizing" like The Gap and Ann Taylor Loft, but the shirts are still on the smaller end of the sizes of their target demographic. And of course, being able to wear an S sweater doesn't mean I can wear an S button-down shirt. Nonetheless, I wasn't squeezing into these shirts. One of my size S Gap tees is actually a little too big. I wore a size S sweater to work yesterday, so it's not like I'm forcing my body into clothes that are too tight to wear in public. I wore one of my S tees to yoga last night also.
How does someone who is obese qualify to wear any interpretation of a "small"?
I don't know what to think. My tummy and thighs are still quite chunky (I can barely get into size L on the bottom), so this may explain some things.
So, how is it that I'm able to wear several size S shirts? Granted, most of them came from stores with generous "vanity-sizing" like The Gap and Ann Taylor Loft, but the shirts are still on the smaller end of the sizes of their target demographic. And of course, being able to wear an S sweater doesn't mean I can wear an S button-down shirt. Nonetheless, I wasn't squeezing into these shirts. One of my size S Gap tees is actually a little too big. I wore a size S sweater to work yesterday, so it's not like I'm forcing my body into clothes that are too tight to wear in public. I wore one of my S tees to yoga last night also.
How does someone who is obese qualify to wear any interpretation of a "small"?
I don't know what to think. My tummy and thighs are still quite chunky (I can barely get into size L on the bottom), so this may explain some things.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Ten Months, and the Honeymoon's Over.
It's February 13, 2010, my ten-month "surgiversary."
On my nine-month surgiversary, I weighed 191.9. This morning, I weighed 190.0. So I've lost about 2 pounds in a whole month. Apparently my RNY "honeymoon," the period of rapid weight loss that usually lasts for about a year, is totally to' up and ovah.
I consider 2 pounds a plateau, or what we in the WLS community refer to as a "stall." However, labeling this simply as a "stall" obscures some of the craziness that's been going on with my weight over the past month.
My weight has been as low as 186.4, on January 23. Over the next 2 weeks or so, my weight crept back up to 194, then back down again. Over the past week, I've been weighing in the high 180s, usually between 187 and 188. For some reason, this morning I went back up into the 190s decade. ::Sigh.:: My weight has wildly fluctuated and seems to be completely out of my control.
I'm not sure what, if anything, I'm doing to cause this. About a week ago, I decided to give more calories a try. My daily calorie goal, at least for the next week or so, is 1,000. That's 100-200 more than I'd been eating before, and I've been reaching it by adding a morning protein shake. I've been exercising quite a lot, mixing cardio, yoga, Pilates, and the occasional traditional resistance workout. The only day I missed this week was Sunday, and that's because I was traveling. I need to buy the body fat analyzer, I guess. I'd be more comfortable with my body weight staying the same if I knew my body fat % was improving. In any event, the whole "calories in/calories out" line is not true for me whatsoever. I may try the 3-day liquid diet sometime soon.
If this stall can be tied to my nutrition intake, the only thing I can think of is sugarless gum, which I do not log. My thought with the gum is that since chewing gum burns calories, I don't worry about counting the minimal calories in it. The problem is that I burn fewer calories chewing the gum than I take in because I chew so much. I can go through 2-3 packs in a workday; it's almost become a replacement for compulsive eating, a transfer addiction. However, sugarless gum is generally a good weight loss habit because it keeps me from eating other things. (In fact, it's often featured on The Biggest Loser as a nifty weight loss tool.) I've gone some workdays without it, and too often I've eaten nuts or something otherwise off my daily plan when I could have just chewed the gum. I may try to give it up again, or at least cut back. It's an expensive habit, anyway.
Perhaps the stall is a result of being obese almost my whole life. Susan Maria Leach recently posted about this on her message board. She said that people who grew up normal-sized but became morbidly obese as adults "tend to drop down in weight like a rock to often below goal, and quite a few of these folks have to hang in and actually slow weight loss. . . . Some even have trouble keeping enough weight on." Conversely, people like me "are the ones who really have to fight for goal weight and have a greater tendency to top out heavy. IF people are going to gain most or all of the weight back, they are usually from this group. . . . [S]ince this group never had a set point for the body to use as a reference, it's tougher for the body to get there and stick it." Susan Maria emphasized that these are just trends she's recognized over the years; they aren't the Gospel of Gastric Bypass or anything.
Nonetheless, she might have pinpointed what's going on with me. I was chunky by the age of 5. I was wearing size 22/24 when I was 13. When I graduated high school, I was rejected health insurance because I was 330. My lowest adult weight was 210, and then I was squeezing into 18s. Now I'm 190 and wear size 14 on the bottom and usually a Medium top. My body is like, "Whaaaa? What's going on?!"
As I mentioned in a post earlier this week, it may simply be unrealistic to expect to become normal. It's sad, but I guess I have to play with the cards I was dealt. I'm going to keep fighting for my goal, but I may have to come to terms with the disappointing reality that some degree of fatness is my fate. I don't want to get so upset about the last 35 pounds that I stop being grateful for the first 150. If I can lose 2 pounds a month this year, I'll be 170 by the end of 2010. That's not so bad.
That's it. Ten months, and I'm bracing myself for life after the honeymoon. Or perhaps more accurately, I'm grieving its death.
On my nine-month surgiversary, I weighed 191.9. This morning, I weighed 190.0. So I've lost about 2 pounds in a whole month. Apparently my RNY "honeymoon," the period of rapid weight loss that usually lasts for about a year, is totally to' up and ovah.
I consider 2 pounds a plateau, or what we in the WLS community refer to as a "stall." However, labeling this simply as a "stall" obscures some of the craziness that's been going on with my weight over the past month.
My weight has been as low as 186.4, on January 23. Over the next 2 weeks or so, my weight crept back up to 194, then back down again. Over the past week, I've been weighing in the high 180s, usually between 187 and 188. For some reason, this morning I went back up into the 190s decade. ::Sigh.:: My weight has wildly fluctuated and seems to be completely out of my control.
I'm not sure what, if anything, I'm doing to cause this. About a week ago, I decided to give more calories a try. My daily calorie goal, at least for the next week or so, is 1,000. That's 100-200 more than I'd been eating before, and I've been reaching it by adding a morning protein shake. I've been exercising quite a lot, mixing cardio, yoga, Pilates, and the occasional traditional resistance workout. The only day I missed this week was Sunday, and that's because I was traveling. I need to buy the body fat analyzer, I guess. I'd be more comfortable with my body weight staying the same if I knew my body fat % was improving. In any event, the whole "calories in/calories out" line is not true for me whatsoever. I may try the 3-day liquid diet sometime soon.
If this stall can be tied to my nutrition intake, the only thing I can think of is sugarless gum, which I do not log. My thought with the gum is that since chewing gum burns calories, I don't worry about counting the minimal calories in it. The problem is that I burn fewer calories chewing the gum than I take in because I chew so much. I can go through 2-3 packs in a workday; it's almost become a replacement for compulsive eating, a transfer addiction. However, sugarless gum is generally a good weight loss habit because it keeps me from eating other things. (In fact, it's often featured on The Biggest Loser as a nifty weight loss tool.) I've gone some workdays without it, and too often I've eaten nuts or something otherwise off my daily plan when I could have just chewed the gum. I may try to give it up again, or at least cut back. It's an expensive habit, anyway.
Perhaps the stall is a result of being obese almost my whole life. Susan Maria Leach recently posted about this on her message board. She said that people who grew up normal-sized but became morbidly obese as adults "tend to drop down in weight like a rock to often below goal, and quite a few of these folks have to hang in and actually slow weight loss. . . . Some even have trouble keeping enough weight on." Conversely, people like me "are the ones who really have to fight for goal weight and have a greater tendency to top out heavy. IF people are going to gain most or all of the weight back, they are usually from this group. . . . [S]ince this group never had a set point for the body to use as a reference, it's tougher for the body to get there and stick it." Susan Maria emphasized that these are just trends she's recognized over the years; they aren't the Gospel of Gastric Bypass or anything.
Nonetheless, she might have pinpointed what's going on with me. I was chunky by the age of 5. I was wearing size 22/24 when I was 13. When I graduated high school, I was rejected health insurance because I was 330. My lowest adult weight was 210, and then I was squeezing into 18s. Now I'm 190 and wear size 14 on the bottom and usually a Medium top. My body is like, "Whaaaa? What's going on?!"
As I mentioned in a post earlier this week, it may simply be unrealistic to expect to become normal. It's sad, but I guess I have to play with the cards I was dealt. I'm going to keep fighting for my goal, but I may have to come to terms with the disappointing reality that some degree of fatness is my fate. I don't want to get so upset about the last 35 pounds that I stop being grateful for the first 150. If I can lose 2 pounds a month this year, I'll be 170 by the end of 2010. That's not so bad.
That's it. Ten months, and I'm bracing myself for life after the honeymoon. Or perhaps more accurately, I'm grieving its death.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Before Photos. Way Before.
I'm not super keen on putting pictures of myself on the Internets, but I still want an easily accessible receptacle for a few photos of me at my highest weight. At least for now, I'm posting them here.
These photos are mostly from Fall 2001, at the beginning of my junior year of college. I know this because of the particularly bad weave, which deserves its own post. (I could keep a whole blog on my lifetime of hair issues. There's a reason I cut it all off.)
These photos are mostly from Fall 2001, at the beginning of my junior year of college. I know this because of the particularly bad weave, which deserves its own post. (I could keep a whole blog on my lifetime of hair issues. There's a reason I cut it all off.)
Anyway, as I've mentioned numerous times in the past, my highest measured weight was 338 in or about May 2002. I'm pretty sure I weighed a bit more than that in these pictures, maybe 350 or so.
At lunch with a couple girlfriends.
I loved this sweater! I had another one in gray and orange that I used to wear with a bright orange bubble vest (yup, don't hate.)
---
At the Fall 2001 FUSAB retreat. I miss retreats.
This is another sweater that I adored. Unfortunately, I usually wore it with a gray skirt made of some weird polyester material that felt like vinyl. Pickings were slim; what can you do?
---
At my 20th birthday celebration.
More explanation is probably needed on the birthday photos. We went to Steak 'n Shake, painted ceramics, and hung out at the apartment. My friends baked red velvet cupcakes for me, my favorite. The photos are in chronological order: The first, the Steak 'n Shake photo, is what I like to call my "ultimate fat pic." Not only does it feature me at my highest weight, it also shows how I got there! (See the empty chocolate malt milkshake glass, the cheese fries, the bacon cheeseburger so big that it hangs off the plate.) The second is me with my cupcakes after dinner. The third is after all the eating. I had "the itis." It was a fun birthday.
I'm not sure how long I'll leave these up here, but I like having something easy to refer to. Please pray that I never go back to being this obese!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Goals.
I went to my biweekly WLS support group meeting on Tuesday night. As usual, we started the meeting with introductions. Instead of taking the usual approach of introducing myself with how much I'd lost, I went with, "Hi, I'm Monica. On Saturday, it will be 10 months since my surgery. I have 35 pounds left to lose." (emphasis added to the important part).
I'm not sure why, but it felt right to lead with my goal instead of my starting point. Perhaps one reason is that starting with "I've lost 151 pounds from my highest weight and 117 since surgery" feels braggadocious. Not only that, everyone at the support group claps after you announce how much you've lost. I've netted a 2.5-pound loss this past month; I didn't want to hear any applause.
But I think the main reason is that I'm increasingly worried that I won't reach my goal weight. Maybe if I continually say my goal weight aloud - "152, 152, 152" - I will speak it into existence.
After my introduction, the nurse who leads the group says, "Well, you've done great. You look like you're already at goal." In response, I raised my eyebrows, looked down with embarrassment, and shook my head. I felt the pressure of my monstrous belly against my snug size 14 skirt. I thought, "If this is goal, I'm really disappointed."
I'm just not sure what my ultimate goal weight should be, and now that I'm on the downward slope of my weight loss phase, the lack of a clear goal is a problem. My surgeon doesn't assign a goal like some do, which makes sense philosophically, but may not make sense for clueless people like me. He asked me how much I wanted to lose; my response was, "Umm... I'm not sure." I haven't had a normal body weight since I was 5 or 6, if then. I have no idea what a healthy weight would be for me.
I initially turned to the BMI charts. My first goal was 156, because at 5'6.5", that would give me a "normal" BMI of 24.8. Later, I slightly lowered the goal to 152, half of my surgery starting weight. That would give me a BMI of 24.2, still on the high end of normal.
I'm not even sure if a normal BMI is realistic or desirable. Right now, my BMI is 29.8, right on the cusp between "obese" and "overweight." Some people decide their goals based on the percentage of excess weight lost, based on a medical perspective that RNYers can expect to lose up to 80% of their excess weight. So, if I base my excess weight on my highest weight of 338, "goal" would be 192.4 - in which case, I'm below goal (whatever.) If I base my excess weight on my surgery weight, my goal is 185.6, less than 2 pounds away.
Gee. This post is even more scattershot than usual. I'll just say this: I'm confused. The post reflects my general puzzlement about what my stopping point will be. I don't want to have a goal that I physiologically won't ever reach, but I still want my goal to be aggressive.
Mini-goals:
192.4: 80% excess weight from highest measured weight of 338
188: BMI of 29.9; no longer "obese"
185.6: 80% excess weight from official surgery start weight of 304
169: Half of highest measured weight of 338
156: BMI of 24.8; no longer "overweight"
152: Half of official surgery start weight of 304
I still need a mini-goal somewhere in the low 180s and/or 170s.
I'm not sure why, but it felt right to lead with my goal instead of my starting point. Perhaps one reason is that starting with "I've lost 151 pounds from my highest weight and 117 since surgery" feels braggadocious. Not only that, everyone at the support group claps after you announce how much you've lost. I've netted a 2.5-pound loss this past month; I didn't want to hear any applause.
But I think the main reason is that I'm increasingly worried that I won't reach my goal weight. Maybe if I continually say my goal weight aloud - "152, 152, 152" - I will speak it into existence.
After my introduction, the nurse who leads the group says, "Well, you've done great. You look like you're already at goal." In response, I raised my eyebrows, looked down with embarrassment, and shook my head. I felt the pressure of my monstrous belly against my snug size 14 skirt. I thought, "If this is goal, I'm really disappointed."
I'm just not sure what my ultimate goal weight should be, and now that I'm on the downward slope of my weight loss phase, the lack of a clear goal is a problem. My surgeon doesn't assign a goal like some do, which makes sense philosophically, but may not make sense for clueless people like me. He asked me how much I wanted to lose; my response was, "Umm... I'm not sure." I haven't had a normal body weight since I was 5 or 6, if then. I have no idea what a healthy weight would be for me.
I initially turned to the BMI charts. My first goal was 156, because at 5'6.5", that would give me a "normal" BMI of 24.8. Later, I slightly lowered the goal to 152, half of my surgery starting weight. That would give me a BMI of 24.2, still on the high end of normal.
I'm not even sure if a normal BMI is realistic or desirable. Right now, my BMI is 29.8, right on the cusp between "obese" and "overweight." Some people decide their goals based on the percentage of excess weight lost, based on a medical perspective that RNYers can expect to lose up to 80% of their excess weight. So, if I base my excess weight on my highest weight of 338, "goal" would be 192.4 - in which case, I'm below goal (whatever.) If I base my excess weight on my surgery weight, my goal is 185.6, less than 2 pounds away.
Gee. This post is even more scattershot than usual. I'll just say this: I'm confused. The post reflects my general puzzlement about what my stopping point will be. I don't want to have a goal that I physiologically won't ever reach, but I still want my goal to be aggressive.
Mini-goals:
192.4: 80% excess weight from highest measured weight of 338
188: BMI of 29.9; no longer "obese"
185.6: 80% excess weight from official surgery start weight of 304
169: Half of highest measured weight of 338
156: BMI of 24.8; no longer "overweight"
152: Half of official surgery start weight of 304
I still need a mini-goal somewhere in the low 180s and/or 170s.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
So, DS Isn't Magic After All.
Lots of non-ops have heard of the Lap Band and the roux-en-y gastric bypass, but there are many other weight loss surgeries out there. I intially wanted the biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch ("DS"), but it wasn't available to me. I wanted the DS simply because studies show that it presents the least likelihood of regain, and because I thought I would be able to volume eat with no repercussions. The DS is the most malabsorptive of the regularly-performed WLS options, permitting the body to absorb only 20% of fat intake. In comparison, the band is purely restrictive, while the RNY is both restrictive and malabsorptive. DS is somewhat less restrictive and more malabsorptive than the RNY.
I had the RNY because it was the most malabsorptive option available to me at the time. That was it. It wasn't because I'd heard RNY was the "gold standard"; it wasn't because I was afraid of the risks or alleged DS side effects. RNY was my choice because I was morbidly obese, my insurance covered RNY, and I was going to take what I could get at the time instead of waiting around and getting even fatter.
I've been thrilled with my RNY so far, but in the back of my mind I still coveted the DS. I worry a lot about stretching my stoma (the surgeon-created opening between the reconfigured tummy and the small intestine.) There are revision procedures to address this problem (e.g., Stomaphyx; band over bypass; the ROSE procedure), but I've heard they don't work that well in the long term. On the other hand, the DS leaves the pyloric valve (valve between a normal stomach and the small intestine that regulates the rate of food emptying) intact, so there's no need to worry about stretching the stoma.
However, I'm most envious of DSers when I'm having a rough go with the scale. I say to myself - and often to others - "Well, if this doesn't work, I'm getting the DS!" I thought that with the DS, it wouldn't matter what I ate because I wouldn't absorb half of it. There's no way I'd regain, no matter what!
Guess what: I was wrong. People with DS can regain too. It may be statistically less likely, but it is nonetheless possible if you break the DS rules.
Over the past couple days I've taken a few looks at the DS message board on ObesityHelp.com. Why? Because, even though I've had the RNY, I've still thought of DS as a future option. I'm a DS fan and wanted to stay up on the info.
I learned three amazing things from lurking on the DS board:
1: Given my particular food demons and preferences, RNY probably would have been the right call for me even if DS had been available.
I was vegetarian for nearly 6 years, and I'm considering going back to it someday. If I had the DS, that would be extremely difficult if not impossible - the DS diet is even lower carb than the RNY. I'd say DS is to Atkins as RNY is to South Beach, maybe? No, not all DSers remain low-carb for life, but some say that more than a couple bites of white flour gives them the runs all day. Yes, there are similar RNY horror stories usually pertaining to meat, but I'd rather get sick from meat than bread. And fortunately, I can tolerate meat really well. Yes, you can eat more with DS than with RNY, but you still can't eat a lot. And the foods are allowed in large volume, like fats and meats, are the foods I'm least likely to binge on. I've never been a big fatty food lover. Greasy food has always kinda grossed me out (and I was exposed to a LOT growing up in the South and spending a lot of time with my grandparents.) I'd always choose the lowfat option; I'd just eat an ungodly amount of it. Getting to eat unlimited regular bacon doesn't excite me at all.
2: DSers have weight-loss stalls too.
Maybe it was dumb for me not to realize this. But I sincerely believed that if I'd had DS, the weight would roll right off even faster than it has with the RNY. Now, having read the DS board and seen the posts about stalls that are just like the ones on the RNY board, I'm not sure that's true.
3: As with any other WLS, DSers can regain if they don't follow the DS dietary rules.
For some reason, I thought DSers were exempt from most dietary restrictions. I probably got this impression from DSers themselves. Because DSers feel oppressed and discriminated against in the WLS community, they try not to air their dirty laundry publicly. DSers are usually cheerleaders for their surgery on the message boards, which is understandable because there is a lot of misinformation and unwarranted DS-hate out there.
However, when you visit the (D)ark (S)ide, as some of them call it, you see that, much like RNY, weight loss and maintenance are no longer effortless after the first year or so. I just read a post in which a person a few years out shared that she had seventy more pounds to lose because she's allowed empty carbs like rice, pasta, bread, and regular Coke back into her life. I read several posts in which a people admitted to regain after DS (no, they didn't regain all of their weight, but more than the standard bounceback of 10-15 pounds.) What was fascinating, particularly about the first post, is that several DSers chimed in with comments like, "There is no WLS that exists that is a free ride," and "Those simple and forever rules apply to all WLS," and "Compliance is key," and "Some folks may have to diet."
Whaaaa??? I've read comments from DSers on other boards where they talk about the joy of eating cookies, drinking while eating, and never dieting while still maintaining their goal weight. But it turns out that DSers have known the truth all along: No surgery will allow you to eat cookies all the time and get to/stay at goal. There really is no magical solution to morbid obesity. No matter what surgery type we have, those of us who struggle with this will be fighting it for the rest of our lives. Yes, some surgeries make the process easier than others. DS has the most malabsorption, so the theory is that even if you screw up every now and again, it will just come out the other end (to put it indelicately.) But even with all of that malabsorption, you still have to follow the rules most of the time to be a long-term success.
Perhaps all of this was obvious. It was naive of me to buy into the DS hype, and had I taken a look at dsfacts.com's weight regain section, I would have known this already. I will admit that I didn't thoroughly research the DS, mostly because I found out early on that it wasn't going to be an immediate option.
In any event, my grass-is-greener perspective on the DS is a thing of the past. DS is wonderful, but so is RNY, and just like RNY, it takes work. My covetousness of DS was keeping me from fully appreciating my own surgery. I realize now that RNY was not just the best option available to me - it was the best option for me, period.
I had the RNY because it was the most malabsorptive option available to me at the time. That was it. It wasn't because I'd heard RNY was the "gold standard"; it wasn't because I was afraid of the risks or alleged DS side effects. RNY was my choice because I was morbidly obese, my insurance covered RNY, and I was going to take what I could get at the time instead of waiting around and getting even fatter.
I've been thrilled with my RNY so far, but in the back of my mind I still coveted the DS. I worry a lot about stretching my stoma (the surgeon-created opening between the reconfigured tummy and the small intestine.) There are revision procedures to address this problem (e.g., Stomaphyx; band over bypass; the ROSE procedure), but I've heard they don't work that well in the long term. On the other hand, the DS leaves the pyloric valve (valve between a normal stomach and the small intestine that regulates the rate of food emptying) intact, so there's no need to worry about stretching the stoma.
However, I'm most envious of DSers when I'm having a rough go with the scale. I say to myself - and often to others - "Well, if this doesn't work, I'm getting the DS!" I thought that with the DS, it wouldn't matter what I ate because I wouldn't absorb half of it. There's no way I'd regain, no matter what!
Guess what: I was wrong. People with DS can regain too. It may be statistically less likely, but it is nonetheless possible if you break the DS rules.
Over the past couple days I've taken a few looks at the DS message board on ObesityHelp.com. Why? Because, even though I've had the RNY, I've still thought of DS as a future option. I'm a DS fan and wanted to stay up on the info.
I learned three amazing things from lurking on the DS board:
1: Given my particular food demons and preferences, RNY probably would have been the right call for me even if DS had been available.
I was vegetarian for nearly 6 years, and I'm considering going back to it someday. If I had the DS, that would be extremely difficult if not impossible - the DS diet is even lower carb than the RNY. I'd say DS is to Atkins as RNY is to South Beach, maybe? No, not all DSers remain low-carb for life, but some say that more than a couple bites of white flour gives them the runs all day. Yes, there are similar RNY horror stories usually pertaining to meat, but I'd rather get sick from meat than bread. And fortunately, I can tolerate meat really well. Yes, you can eat more with DS than with RNY, but you still can't eat a lot. And the foods are allowed in large volume, like fats and meats, are the foods I'm least likely to binge on. I've never been a big fatty food lover. Greasy food has always kinda grossed me out (and I was exposed to a LOT growing up in the South and spending a lot of time with my grandparents.) I'd always choose the lowfat option; I'd just eat an ungodly amount of it. Getting to eat unlimited regular bacon doesn't excite me at all.
2: DSers have weight-loss stalls too.
Maybe it was dumb for me not to realize this. But I sincerely believed that if I'd had DS, the weight would roll right off even faster than it has with the RNY. Now, having read the DS board and seen the posts about stalls that are just like the ones on the RNY board, I'm not sure that's true.
3: As with any other WLS, DSers can regain if they don't follow the DS dietary rules.
For some reason, I thought DSers were exempt from most dietary restrictions. I probably got this impression from DSers themselves. Because DSers feel oppressed and discriminated against in the WLS community, they try not to air their dirty laundry publicly. DSers are usually cheerleaders for their surgery on the message boards, which is understandable because there is a lot of misinformation and unwarranted DS-hate out there.
However, when you visit the (D)ark (S)ide, as some of them call it, you see that, much like RNY, weight loss and maintenance are no longer effortless after the first year or so. I just read a post in which a person a few years out shared that she had seventy more pounds to lose because she's allowed empty carbs like rice, pasta, bread, and regular Coke back into her life. I read several posts in which a people admitted to regain after DS (no, they didn't regain all of their weight, but more than the standard bounceback of 10-15 pounds.) What was fascinating, particularly about the first post, is that several DSers chimed in with comments like, "There is no WLS that exists that is a free ride," and "Those simple and forever rules apply to all WLS," and "Compliance is key," and "Some folks may have to diet."
Whaaaa??? I've read comments from DSers on other boards where they talk about the joy of eating cookies, drinking while eating, and never dieting while still maintaining their goal weight. But it turns out that DSers have known the truth all along: No surgery will allow you to eat cookies all the time and get to/stay at goal. There really is no magical solution to morbid obesity. No matter what surgery type we have, those of us who struggle with this will be fighting it for the rest of our lives. Yes, some surgeries make the process easier than others. DS has the most malabsorption, so the theory is that even if you screw up every now and again, it will just come out the other end (to put it indelicately.) But even with all of that malabsorption, you still have to follow the rules most of the time to be a long-term success.
Perhaps all of this was obvious. It was naive of me to buy into the DS hype, and had I taken a look at dsfacts.com's weight regain section, I would have known this already. I will admit that I didn't thoroughly research the DS, mostly because I found out early on that it wasn't going to be an immediate option.
In any event, my grass-is-greener perspective on the DS is a thing of the past. DS is wonderful, but so is RNY, and just like RNY, it takes work. My covetousness of DS was keeping me from fully appreciating my own surgery. I realize now that RNY was not just the best option available to me - it was the best option for me, period.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Just Registered for My First Athletic Event EVER.
That is, if you don't count Relay for Life or my high school's "March for Education," which was seriously like 1/4 or 1/2 mile. For me, Relay for Life was an opportunity to eat and socialize while supporting a worthy cause. Every couple hours I'd walk a lap. Anyway -
I just registered for the Cooper River Bridge Run, which will be held in Mt. Pleasant/Charleston, SC on March 27, 2010. It's a 10K. I will definitely be walking, maybe with 3 minutes of slow jogging interspersed here and there. Even so, I am experiencing a pleasant combination of excitement, anxiety, and a premature sense of accomplishment just for having the cojones to try something like this after 20+ years of obesity. Simply registering, let alone participating, feels surreal.
I hope I actually follow through with this, and I have a feeling that I will after paying almost $50 to sign up. Walking 6.2 miles isn't the scary part. That should be no problem. What makes me nervous is being a fat person in this environment.
I just registered for the Cooper River Bridge Run, which will be held in Mt. Pleasant/Charleston, SC on March 27, 2010. It's a 10K. I will definitely be walking, maybe with 3 minutes of slow jogging interspersed here and there. Even so, I am experiencing a pleasant combination of excitement, anxiety, and a premature sense of accomplishment just for having the cojones to try something like this after 20+ years of obesity. Simply registering, let alone participating, feels surreal.
I hope I actually follow through with this, and I have a feeling that I will after paying almost $50 to sign up. Walking 6.2 miles isn't the scary part. That should be no problem. What makes me nervous is being a fat person in this environment.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Scale Shenanigans
I've gone back to weighing myself almost daily. It doesn't freak me out as much anymore, and I think it's a good habit as long as it's not making me crazy.
Anyway, about ten days or so ago, I allegedly weighed 190.4 (or something close, give or take a few tenths of a pound.) Of course, the number went back up, getting to 194+ at least once. Unlike the last time this happened, I didn't worry about it.
So this morning, the scale said I weighed 187.7 twice and then 189 twice. I don't really believe my scale, and even if I did, I expect to fluctuate back over 190. Nonetheless, I want to mark this day as the first time the scale suggested that I might be in a new weight "decade," the 180s. We'll see how long it lasts.
My next goal is 188 pounds, at which point I move from an "obese" BMI to an "overweight" BMI. So it was a little disconcerting to see 187.7 on the scale first thing this morning and to know it probably wasn't true.
Anyway, about ten days or so ago, I allegedly weighed 190.4 (or something close, give or take a few tenths of a pound.) Of course, the number went back up, getting to 194+ at least once. Unlike the last time this happened, I didn't worry about it.
So this morning, the scale said I weighed 187.7 twice and then 189 twice. I don't really believe my scale, and even if I did, I expect to fluctuate back over 190. Nonetheless, I want to mark this day as the first time the scale suggested that I might be in a new weight "decade," the 180s. We'll see how long it lasts.
My next goal is 188 pounds, at which point I move from an "obese" BMI to an "overweight" BMI. So it was a little disconcerting to see 187.7 on the scale first thing this morning and to know it probably wasn't true.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Happy "Surgiversary" To Me: 9 Months In
This time nine months ago, I was on the operating table having RNY gastric bypass.
This morning, I weighed 191.9 pounds. This means that I've lost 146.1 pounds from my highest recorded weight of 338 in May 2002, and 112.1 pounds since my last pre-op appointment. I'm only about 4 pounds from reaching my next goal of 188, which will officially move me from an "obese" body mass index ("BMI") to an "overweight" BMI.
I need to lose 38 more pounds to reach my goal of 154, which would bring me to a "normal" BMI of 24.9. In reality, I want to lose more than that in case of a bounce back - but we'll see what my body chooses to do over the next several months.
The weight loss has definitely slowed, but that's normal. I'm fine with a slowdown as long as it keeps coming off. On December 1, 2009, I posted that I was "on the cusp of greatness" because I weighed 200.1 pounds. I broke through to "Onederland" (below 200 pounds) shortly thereafter, but then I fluctuated for a while and even weighed over 200 pounds again on a few mornings. Thus, over the past six weeks or so, I've lost fewer than ten pounds.
With RNY, the speediest weight loss tends to occur in the first six months. The rate of loss slows at that point, but it shouldn't completely stop until 12-18 months out. I hope this is not the case, but in reality, it could take me another nine months to lose the last 40 pounds.
I'm mentally prepared for that. My life has changed so positively as a result of this surgery. I'm more active than I used to be. I travel more. I was visiting friends in DC last weekend who live in a top floor walk-up, and I climbed those stairs, carrying luggage, with ease. More fundamentally, I don't feel abnormal anymore. I actually feel like I'm in my twenties instead of my fifties. Now that I no longer imagine myself encased in a fatsuit, I can be patient about this last little bit of excess weight. I am definitely going to remain diligent about my diet and exercise, but I recognize that the results aren't going to be as immediate as they were a few months ago.
Not just my weight, but also my attitude has changed over the past nine months. I've become an optimist. A lovely woman at last night's support group drove this home for me. She approached me after the meeting and told me how much she loved my positive attitude. I thought, "Whaaa . . . you're talking to me???" She said that I radiated confidence and positive energy.
My closer friends (and some that aren't so close, in truth) would think "positive" a strange adjective for me. No, I'm not the most negative person and I'm not the least confident, but I've never been Mary Sunshine. In eighth grade, I actually wrote an essay about the virtues of pessimism. The last couple years of college and every single moment of law school were an endless stream of second-guessing and self-doubt. I can always find the good in others, but I'm a terrible self-critic. (This is an INFP trait, by the way.)
But the nice woman at support group was right - my perspective on life is fairly positive right now. My life isn't close to being perfect. I live far away from all of my closest friends, and I realized fairly recently that I hate the legal profession altogether and need to drum up a new career from scratch. I don't have a job lined up for next year, and I have no idea what I want to do. But even with such a high level of uncertainty, I'm confident that everything's going to work out. I don't know how, and I don't know when, but I have faith. I don't think I could have said that nine months ago.
Of course, weight loss isn't solely responsible for this change in outlook. Over the past few months, I escaped the New Haven insanity vortex (Yale Law), passed the bar, started a new job with a very pleasant work environment, and moved into a lovely apartment that I have all to myself. I live in a warmer climate, which is important to me. I get to see my grandmother, mom, sister, and nephew on a regular basis because I'm only a couple of hours away from them. These factors are all conducive to happiness. But I still believe that the biggest contributor to my newfound optimism is the weight loss. I don't feel trapped by excess fat or by any other circumstance or condition. Minor setbacks aren't affecting my outlook the way they used to.
I sound like Mary Poppins right now, but I'm not delusional. I know I'll be battling the disease of obesity for the rest of my life. But now I'm fighting with an AK-47 instead of a slingshot.
I'm nine months in, and the view from here is grand. I'm thankful for all of the people who made this possible, including my mom, administrators and professors at the Yale Law School and the Yale Health Plan (long story), and Dr. Robert Bell of Yale-New Haven Hospital's bariatric program.
This morning, I weighed 191.9 pounds. This means that I've lost 146.1 pounds from my highest recorded weight of 338 in May 2002, and 112.1 pounds since my last pre-op appointment. I'm only about 4 pounds from reaching my next goal of 188, which will officially move me from an "obese" body mass index ("BMI") to an "overweight" BMI.
I need to lose 38 more pounds to reach my goal of 154, which would bring me to a "normal" BMI of 24.9. In reality, I want to lose more than that in case of a bounce back - but we'll see what my body chooses to do over the next several months.
The weight loss has definitely slowed, but that's normal. I'm fine with a slowdown as long as it keeps coming off. On December 1, 2009, I posted that I was "on the cusp of greatness" because I weighed 200.1 pounds. I broke through to "Onederland" (below 200 pounds) shortly thereafter, but then I fluctuated for a while and even weighed over 200 pounds again on a few mornings. Thus, over the past six weeks or so, I've lost fewer than ten pounds.
With RNY, the speediest weight loss tends to occur in the first six months. The rate of loss slows at that point, but it shouldn't completely stop until 12-18 months out. I hope this is not the case, but in reality, it could take me another nine months to lose the last 40 pounds.
I'm mentally prepared for that. My life has changed so positively as a result of this surgery. I'm more active than I used to be. I travel more. I was visiting friends in DC last weekend who live in a top floor walk-up, and I climbed those stairs, carrying luggage, with ease. More fundamentally, I don't feel abnormal anymore. I actually feel like I'm in my twenties instead of my fifties. Now that I no longer imagine myself encased in a fatsuit, I can be patient about this last little bit of excess weight. I am definitely going to remain diligent about my diet and exercise, but I recognize that the results aren't going to be as immediate as they were a few months ago.
Not just my weight, but also my attitude has changed over the past nine months. I've become an optimist. A lovely woman at last night's support group drove this home for me. She approached me after the meeting and told me how much she loved my positive attitude. I thought, "Whaaa . . . you're talking to me???" She said that I radiated confidence and positive energy.
My closer friends (and some that aren't so close, in truth) would think "positive" a strange adjective for me. No, I'm not the most negative person and I'm not the least confident, but I've never been Mary Sunshine. In eighth grade, I actually wrote an essay about the virtues of pessimism. The last couple years of college and every single moment of law school were an endless stream of second-guessing and self-doubt. I can always find the good in others, but I'm a terrible self-critic. (This is an INFP trait, by the way.)
But the nice woman at support group was right - my perspective on life is fairly positive right now. My life isn't close to being perfect. I live far away from all of my closest friends, and I realized fairly recently that I hate the legal profession altogether and need to drum up a new career from scratch. I don't have a job lined up for next year, and I have no idea what I want to do. But even with such a high level of uncertainty, I'm confident that everything's going to work out. I don't know how, and I don't know when, but I have faith. I don't think I could have said that nine months ago.
Of course, weight loss isn't solely responsible for this change in outlook. Over the past few months, I escaped the New Haven insanity vortex (Yale Law), passed the bar, started a new job with a very pleasant work environment, and moved into a lovely apartment that I have all to myself. I live in a warmer climate, which is important to me. I get to see my grandmother, mom, sister, and nephew on a regular basis because I'm only a couple of hours away from them. These factors are all conducive to happiness. But I still believe that the biggest contributor to my newfound optimism is the weight loss. I don't feel trapped by excess fat or by any other circumstance or condition. Minor setbacks aren't affecting my outlook the way they used to.
I sound like Mary Poppins right now, but I'm not delusional. I know I'll be battling the disease of obesity for the rest of my life. But now I'm fighting with an AK-47 instead of a slingshot.
I'm nine months in, and the view from here is grand. I'm thankful for all of the people who made this possible, including my mom, administrators and professors at the Yale Law School and the Yale Health Plan (long story), and Dr. Robert Bell of Yale-New Haven Hospital's bariatric program.
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