Final Check-in on 2010 Goals

Hi folks. It's been a while. I will catch you up on my progress (or lack thereof, or regression) when I have time.  In the meantime, it's become 2011 and I haven't checked back in on those goals yet.  I also need to set my 2011 goals.  I am not sure whether I'll have 50 in 2011, but I like this method overall.

WEIGHT, BODY SIZE & HEALTH

-Reach 188 pounds - an "overweight" BMI. MET. Though right now, I'm a couple pounds over that and back up in "obese" territory. It will only be a momentary stay. I've had issues with night binging the past month or two.
-Reach 154 pounds - a "normal" BMI. Not met at all and probably won't ever be met in this life.
-Maintain or get below 154 pounds at the end of the year. Totally didn't happen in any way, at all. I don't think my body will get that low in weight, though it should be lower than it is now.
-Wear a size Small shirt. MET (although I am in Mediums again right now - ARGH)
-Buy at least one bra from Victoria's Secret. MET, although VS doesn't make my size so now I get them from eBay.
-Unsubscribe from Lane Bryant's mailing list. MET.
-Get labs of my vitamin levels drawn at least once. MET, though I'd like to get it done again because my ferritin and Vitamin D were a little lower than I'd prefer.
-Revisit my surgeon for at least one check up. MET in early March, even though I never wrote up my recap. He was pleased with my weight progress.
-Go to the dentist for a teeth cleaning and go to the gyno. Not met.  I really need to go to the dentist.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY & ADVENTURE
-Complete the Couch to 5K program. Not met on purpose.
-Register for and complete at least 3 "races" of any length. Walking them is fine. Not met. I did the Charleston Cooper River Bridge Run and registered for the Outer Banks Half Marathon, but the people I was supposed to do Outer Banks with didn't get back to me, and I wasn't motivated enough to do it on my own. I think I'll revisit this goal for 2011.
-Go hiking at least 3 times. MET. Went twice at Carrick Creek at Table Rock and once at the Clemson Botanical Gardens.
-Go fishing at least once. MET! My family did this for my birthday.
-Go to a yoga studio, preferably for bikram or "hot" yoga, at least once. MET - and it has been glorious.
TRAVEL (none met. My September "travel time" wound up being focused on Michigan; I traveled up there with my grandmother to see my dying great aunt.)
-At least once, travel to a country I've never visited. Not met.
-Visit Los Angeles. Not met.
-Visit at least one state I've never been to, preferably Texas. Not met.

READING (This was a big flop.)
-Read Pierre Bourdieu, Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste. Not met.
-Read Frantz Fanon's The Wretched of the Earth (nope, I've never read it all the way through.) Not met.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Sidewalk. Not met. Checked it out from Library, but didn't get through it. Wound up reading "Honky" by Dalton Conley instead.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Slim's Table: Race, Respectability, and Masculinity. Not met.
-Read Katherine S. Newman & Victor Tan Chen, The Missing Class: Portraits of the Near Poor in America. Purchased, but only partially read.
-Read Katherine S. Newman, No Shame in My Game: The Working Poor in the Inner City. Not met.
-Read Mary Patillo's Black on the Block: The Politics of Race and Class in the City. Not met.
-Read William Julius Wilson, More Than Just Race: Being Black and Poor in the Inner City. MET.
-Read William Julius Wilson, The Truly Disadvantaged: The Inner City, the Underclass, and Public Policy. Checked out from the library and partially read, but not completed.
-Read William Julius Wilson & Richard P. Taub, There Goes the Neighborhood: Racial, Ethnic, and Class Tensions in Four Chicago Neighborhoods and Their Meaning for America. Not met.

PROFESSIONAL
-Finish revising my SAW for publication. Not met and I realized that I didn't want to meet it. That paper has little to do with my new research focus, so I don't see the point of moving forward with it at this time.
-Build my personal website. Well, I started a new food blog, but I think the actual personal website will make more sense once I'm back in grad school (provided that I get in).
-Take the GRE and score above 700 on verbal and at least 650 on quantitative. MET!
-Pass the MPRE. MET.
-Gain admission to graduate school and/or get an appellate clerkship. In August, I modified this goal to "Apply for graduate school."  I've applied to several schools: Chicago, Duke, Harvard (2 programs there), Michigan, Penn, and Princeton so far, and Yale is due today. So MET.
-During any gap of time between my clerkship and my next job, write and publish at least one op-ed or an LTE in a major newspaper. I actually did publish an op-ed in a major newspaper - the Washington Post - but not during the gap of time between clerkship and job. I published it with the blessing of my job. I think it counts. :)
-Develop a sharper research focus. Met.
-Finish article review for Professor Schuck and email it to him. Not met. The idea of sending in an assignment from May 2009 seems ridiculous at this point.

COOKING & EATING
-Cook with or eat 20 ingredients that I've never tried. MET.
-Write at least 15 new recipes. Completed. Mostly on my new blog, Audacity of Cooking.
-Go to McClellanville or similar coastal area to purchase fresh seafood. Not met. I just never got back down there. I was supposed to swing by en route from Charleston to Myrtle Beach in August, but wound up going back home from taking the MPRE and then going to Myrtle Beach directly from Columbia.
-Dine in at least one of the following New York restaurants: Brad Farmerie's Public, Seamus Mullen's Boqueria, Eric Ripert's Le Bernardin, Dan Barber's Blue Hill in Greenwich Village or at Stone Barns, Wylie Dufresne's WD-50, Daniel Humm's Eleven Madison Park, Anita Lo's Annisa (when repaired), Geoffrey Zakarian's Town, Alex Guernaschelli's Butter, Aaron Sanchez's Centrico, Floyd Cardoz's Tabla, or Gramercy Tavern. MET! Ate at Butter in March.
-Dine at Sean Brock's McCrady's in Charleston. MET. Wasn't as great as I'd hoped, but I was comparing it to my experience at John Besh's August and perhaps that wasn't fair.

CULTURE & COMMUNITY
-Continue volunteering at the shelter through September 2010. This was a bust. As I explained in my last check-in, I never heard back from the project manager after my last meeting with the ladies. I am pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong, but she was never the easiest to contact via email.  Perhaps I should have been more aggressive in reaching out to her, but I'd started to feel like I was more of a burden on them, like they wanted to keep me around but didn't really need me to drive anymore.
-Volunteer somewhere other than the shelter at least once. Oddly, I didn't do this unless you count volunteering for extra projects at work. Work is now a legal services office, so it was actually the same kind of work I would have completely volunteered to do. Plus, I did  a yoga training for working with homeless, overweight, mentally ill, and addicted communities that was built up around the idea of service - but I haven't volunteered anywhere yet. ::sigh:: looks like a fail.
-Watch all five seasons of The Wire. MET! And it was amazing. I am so glad I did this. Season 4 absolutely blew my mind; I am still haunted by it months later.
-Watch the Roots miniseries (nope, I've never seen it - no one revoke my "black card" please.) Yet again, I forgot about this. Shameful. I can't decide whether to add for 2011 or not?
-See at least two live theater shows. Not met. I forgot about this one.
OTHER
-Write at least ten relatively lengthy emails to catch up with friends/colleagues with whom I haven't spoken recently. Nope. Just one.
-Have at least 5 meaningful conversations about religion/faith/spirituality. Not really.
-Go to karaoke at least once. Yes! Finally, on the weekend of December 19th. It was so fun.
-Pay off my credit cards completely at least once (they may still have a balance at the end of 2010.) MET!
-Own my own car/get my current car off my mother's insurance. Not met, not on a fellowship salary . . .
 
Goals Completed: 23/50
Goals Deliberately Abandoned: 8
 
Weight, Body Size & Health Goals Met: 6/9
Physical Activity and Adventure Goals Met: 3/5
Travel Goals Met: 0/3
Reading Goals Met: 1/10
Professional Goals Met: 6/8
Cooking & Eating Goals Met: 4/5
Culture & Community Goals Met: 1/5
"Other" Goals Met: 2/5

Recipe: Deconstructed Chicken Egg Foo Yung

This was Wednesday's dinner. Note that it is not in progress; this is a reasonably complete recipe. It turned out better than I'd imagined.

What I'm calling "deconstructed egg foo yung" consists of three components: Asian blackened chicken breast, mung bean sprout-scallion frittata, and a sweet and sour five spice foam. In terms of organization, I thought it was efficient to prepare the frittata and get it in the oven first, then make the chicken (the oven will already be pre-heated for the roasting phase of the chicken process), and then to make the foam while the chicken is roasting and resting.

ASIAN BLACKENED CHICKEN BREAST

What you need:

• 3 oz. chicken breast
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. onion powder
• 1/4 tsp. five spice powder
• 1/2 tsp. dried ground fenugreek (double the five spice if you don't have fenugreek)
• 1/2 tsp. Splenda
• 1 tsp. toasted sesame seeds (optional)
• Nonstick spray
• Saute pan
• Oven-safe pan (if your saute pan isn't oven-safe)

What you do:

1. Begin warming a saute pan over medium heat. While the pan is heating, salt the chicken breast.
2. In a small bowl or on a plate, combine the garlic powder, onion powder, fenugreek, five spice powder, and Splenda. Coat the chicken breast in this mixture (same action as if you were dredging it in flour before frying).
3. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
4. Once your saute pan is hot, lightly spray it with nonstick spray. Immediately begin to sear the seasoned chicken breast. Depending on how hot your pan is, it will take 2-3 minutes for the spices to form a crust and blacken. Flip the breast and blacken the other side, which should take just a minute or so. [An aside: It's a common misconception that whether a dish is "blackened" depends on the spice blend that is used. It's actually the technique that set the term. In other words, you can use Cajun blackening season to blacken, but if you don't actually blacken the spices to form a crust, you haven't made blackened food. Or at least that's what Claire Robinson says. :-)]
5. If your saute pan is oven-safe, just transfer it to the oven for 7-10 minutes to finish cooking the chicken breast. If you, like me, have more "humble" cookwear, transfer the breast to a cake pan, cookie sheet, or other oven-save vessel and then roast it for 7-10 minutes in the oven.
6. Once the chicken breast is done through (but not overcooked!), remove it from the oven and let it rest for about 5-10 minutes, perhaps while you're preparing the foam. I like to slice the breast on a bias. Sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds.

Note: I like the method of searing then oven-roasting for this dish, but you don't have to do it this way. If you don't mind losing a bit of the blackened crust on one side of the breast, you can try searing it on both sides, then turning down the heat and adding a few tablespoons of broth, water, or another cooking liquid. This method allows you to cook with moist heat on the top of the stove, which keeps the breast tender and juicy. It's almost like a braise, but not as intense. Some refer to this method as "steam-frying," but unlike others, I don't cover my pan with a lid to let it steam (mostly because, after numerous relocations, I've misplaced all of the lids for my pans.) I also like the fond that my steam-fry method leaves, so I can scrape it off the pan for mega-flavor.

BEAN SPROUT-SCALLION FRITTATA

What you need:

• 1/2 cup bean sprouts
• 10 grams chopped scallions
• 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 2 tsp. soy sauce
• 1/4 cup egg substitute (or one real egg, if you'd prefer a richer frittata)
• Nonstick spray
• Saute pan or wok
  Ramekin (optional. I used a 4 oz. ramekin.)

What you do:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. Heat your saute pan or wok, lightly coat it with nonstick spray, and toss in the sprouts, scallions, soy sauce, and garlic powder. Stir-fry for just a minute or two, max. Remove the pan from the heat.
3. Coat the ramekin, if applicable, with nonstick spray. Place sprout-scallion mixture in the bottom of your ramekin. Do not pack the mixture so tightly that the egg won't be able to get to the bottom.
4. Pour the egg substitute into the ramekin atop the sprouts and scallions. Stir or shake lightly to make sure the egg gets all the way to the bottom of the ramekin. Place on an oven-safe pan/dish and bake for approximately 30 minutes, or until the frittata has pulled slightly away from the sides of the ramekin and is firm in the center. Do not overcook. You want the frittata to be done, but not rubbery and almost cake-like in the center.
5. Once the frittata has cooled, go around the edges with a knife and release from the ramekin. Voila.
6. [For people not using a ramekin] Combine the sprout-scallion mixture with the egg substitute. Spray your saute pan or wok again, and pour in the frittata mixture. After it is browned on one side and can hold solidly, flip it and cook through. Cooking the frittata atop the stove, basically omelet-style, should only take about 5 minutes. Voila.

SWEET AND SOUR FIVE SPICE FOAM

What you need:

• 2 T pasteurized egg whites (for example, All Whites)
• 2 tsp. natural rice vinegar (I use Nakano. Make sure to get the calorie-free "natural," not the "seasoned," which is full of sugar.)
• 1 T Splenda
• 1/4 tsp. soy sauce
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/4 tsp. five spice powder
• Clean bowl, copper if you have it, but anything will work
• Hand mixer

What you do:

1. Pour egg whites and vinegar into the clean bowl. With hand mixer, whip the whites and vinegar until the mixture is almost at soft-peak stage.
2. Add Splenda, soy sauce, salt, and five spice to the whipped whites. Continue whipping them until the spices are well-incorporated and until you are firmly at soft-peak stage. Do not overwhip. Serve immediately.

I was most excited to make the foam. Even though people in the food world seem to think foam is "played out" (as we say in the 'hood), I'd never made one. I thought whipped pasteurized egg whites would be a better choice than trying to use pricy bourgeois-chef ingredients like lecithin, agar, or nitrous oxide. Any home cook can do this!

The rice vinegar fulfills the dual roles of flavor enhancement and stabilization (acid stabilizes beaten egg whites, much like using cream of tartar or lemon juice in a meringue.) Also, I read on The French Culinary Institute's Cooking Issues blog that, with a foam, it's crucial that the flavor used actually needs to be diluted. In other words, the flavor must be strong enough to survive being aerated, or you wind up with a bland foam. This Sweet and Sour Five Spice Foam delivers a powerful punch that balances and amplifies the other components of this dish.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

This entire entree contains 197 calories, 31.6 grams of protein, 8.2 NET grams of carbohydrate (excluding fiber grams, which are not absorbed by the body), and only 2.1 grams of fat.

Asian Blackened Chicken Breast contains 116 calories, 20 grams of protein, 1.5 NET grams of carbohydrate, and 2 grams of fat.

Bean Sprout-Scallion Frittata contains 59 calories, 8.6 grams of protein, 4.7 NET grams of carbohydrate, and 0.1 grams of fat.

Sweet and Sour Five Spice Foam contains 22 calories, 3 grams of protein, 2 NET grams of carbohydrate, and 0 grams of fat.

A final note: For some post-ops, this recipe might produce a little too much food volume. Specifically, even though 3 oz. of chicken breast raw reduces to fewer ounces cooked, it might still be too much in combination with the frittata. Even I had to eat it slowly. Probably the best way to cut back on volume and calories is by reducing the amount of chicken to 1 or 2 ounces.

Recipe in Progress: Sardine Mousse with Indian-Spiced Eggplant Pancakes

I've been wanting to play with sardines. I discovered via Obesity Help that they are actually a great post-RNY food. For some reason - I guess because I associate them with my grease-lovin' late granddad - I assumed the canned version was terribly unhealthy.

I couldn't have been more off-base: 1 2-oz. serving of Wild Planet sardines canned in spring water is just 73 calories, 13 grams of protein, no carbs, and just 2 grams of super-healthy Omega-3 fat. In a word, stellar.

Plus, I recently read on Susan Maria Leach's blog that women often reap more benefits from food sources of calcium than from supplements. Sardines are a terrific source of calcium and Vitamin D, among other nutrients. But, to receive all of the benefit from eating sardines, you gotta eat the skin and the bones. [Cue the "ews"]. Susan Maria linked to her blog post on her Before and After Help message board, and both her and one of the moderators were hatin' on sardines.

Because I'd been wanting to try them again anyway, I took their disdain as a challenge. Last night, I made this:

My plating left much to be desired, but the flavors were amazing. The mousse itself is ridiculously easy to make. No heated cooking required!

However, this recipe isn't perfect. It's in progress. I think next time I will add some avocado, tofu, and/or fat-free cream cheese to stabilize the mousse a bit more and to raise the creamy factor. Fresh basil would probably be really good instead of the dried. I could also add some unflavored gelatin and mold it to make something really fancy. But I want to put the idea and flavors out there now, and I'll tweak it when I decide I want sardine mousse again.

SARDINE MOUSSE

What you need:

• 2 oz. canned sardines in spring water, with skin and bones (I used Wild Planet wild sardines from The Fresh Market)
• About 20 grams onion, lightly sauteed in nonstick spray to dull the raw flavor
• 1 garlic clove
• Juice of 1/2 small lemon
• 1/2 tsp. smoked paprika (if you don't have smoked paprika, try adding 2 tsp. Liquid Smoke and 1/2 tsp. regular paprika)
• 1/4 tsp. table salt
• 1/2 tsp. dried thyme
• 1/2 tsp. dried basil
• 1 tbsp. Splenda
• 1/4 cup pasteurized egg whites, like All Whites [Note: even though they don't whip as well, you definitely need to use pasteurized whites because this is a no-cook dish].
• 1/2 tsp. cream of tartar
• Food processor
• Hand mixer

What to do:

1. Place all ingredients except the egg whites and cream of tartar in your food processor. Puree until smooth.
2. In a clean bowl, combine the egg whites and cream of tartar and whip to soft peaks using the hand mixer.
3. Very, very carefully fold the sardine puree into the egg whites until well-combined. Voila! Keep chilled until ready to serve.

EGGPLANT PANCAKES

What you need:

• About 20 grams yellow onion, diced (any kind of onion would work, but would add a slightly different flavor)
• About 100 grams eggplant, diced small, skin-on
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. garam masala
• 1/4 tsp. onion powder
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. dried thyme
• 1/2 tsp. curry powder
• 1T apple cider vinegar
• 2 tsp. Splenda (or 3 packets)
• 1/4 cup pasteurized egg whites (like All Whites)
• Nonstick spray
• Parchment paper (optional)
• Food processor (or you can finely dice the eggplant by hand)

What to do:

1. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Saute the diced eggplant in nonstick spray over medium heat just until they are translucent. While the onions are sauteing, salt the eggplant and let the salt pull out some of the bitterness.
3. Once the onions are soft and slightly browned, add in the eggplant. Stir in the garam masala, onion powder, garlic powder, thyme, and curry powder. Let it cook down until the flesh is softened and there's some "stuff" sticking to the bottom of the saute pan.
4. Deglaze the pan with the vinegar (add water too if needed), and stir in the Splenda.
5. Chop the eggplant mixture in the food processor. Don't puree; just chop finely. Put in a bowl. Stir in pasteurized egg whites to make pancake batter.
6. Portion out the pancake mixture on a cookie sheet coated with nonstick spray or lined with parchment paper. (I made 4 pancakes). Bake in oven at 350 until cooked through and brown around the edges (about 20-25 minutes, depending on your oven). Enjoy!

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION
This entire dish, which I designed to make one serving, contains approximately 223 calories, 26.7 grams of protein, 17.1 NET grams of carbohydrate (not including any fiber grams), and 2.2 grams of fat. Note that these are very generous estimates, including calorie and macronutrient counts for all of the spices, the vinegar, and the Splenda.

The sardine mousse contains 138 calories, 19.4 grams of protein, 8.7 NET grams of carbohydrate, and 2.2 grams of fat.

The eggplant pancakes contain 85 calories, 7.3 grams of protein, 8.4 NET grams of carbohydrate, and 0 grams of fat.

You should be eating more sardines. In addition to the calcium, Omega-3 fats, and deliciousness, they are also one of the most "green" seafood choices. Read the labels for sodium content, but other than that, you can't go wrong with 'em.

Checking in on 2010 Goals

In January, I pulled together a list of fifty goals for 2010. I hoped this method would be more successful than the standard New Year's Resolution because they are concrete, achievable goals. Now that the year is over half done, I thought it would be good to review my progress.

So, here they are:

WEIGHT, BODY SIZE & HEALTH
-Reach 188 pounds - an "overweight" BMI. MET.
-Reach 154 pounds - a "normal" BMI. Not met, and seems unlikely to be met in 2010. I was 173 this morning and have gotten as low as 169.8 (last week).
-Maintain or get below 154 pounds at the end of the year. See above.
-Wear a size Small shirt. MET.
-Buy at least one bra from Victoria's Secret. MET, although hilariously, I have to wear specialty size bras now because of my excess skin issues. VS doesn't make my size.
-Unsubscribe from Lane Bryant's mailing list. MET as to email, though they keep sending me catalogs in the mail. Argh.
-Get labs of my vitamin levels drawn at least once. MET, though I'd like to get it done again because my ferritin and Vitamin D were a little lower than I'd prefer.
-Revisit my surgeon for at least one check up. MET in early March. Recap here.
-Go to the dentist for a teeth cleaning and go to the gyno. Not met.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY & ADVENTURE
-Complete the Couch to 5K program. Not met, and unlikely to be met. I'm scared to run because I don't want to jack up my knees.
-Register for and complete at least 3 "races" of any length. Walking them is fine. In process. I've completed one race so far and am planning to do the Outer Banks Half-Marathon in November. I will do at least one 5K or something before the year is over.
-Go hiking at least 3 times. Also in process. I've been hiking once, but now it's too hot. Hopefully I will be able to go hiking again during fall.
-Go fishing at least once. Not met, but my sister and I have been talking about going in September when my job is over.
-Go to a yoga studio, preferably for bikram or "hot" yoga, at least once. Sooo MET. This commitment started me on a lovely path toward being a real yogini!

TRAVEL
-At least once, travel to a country I've never visited. Not met, and between finances and work schedules, seeming unlikely to be met.
-Visit Los Angeles. Not met. Maybe I can find a way to reach this goal that's related to the bar?
-Visit at least one state I've never been to, preferably Texas. Not met, but not completely out of the cards. I know I have a potential way of going to Houston in June 2011, but that's not 2010, is it?

READING (Haven't done great with this, but am hoping to knock out a bunch of these during my 3 weeks off in September)
-Read Pierre Bourdieu, Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste. Not met.
-Read Frantz Fanon's The Wretched of the Earth (nope, I've never read it all the way through.) Not met.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Sidewalk. Not met.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Slim's Table: Race, Respectability, and Masculinity. Not met.
-Read Katherine S. Newman & Victor Tan Chen, The Missing Class: Portraits of the Near Poor in America. Purchased, but only partially read.
-Read Katherine S. Newman, No Shame in My Game: The Working Poor in the Inner City. Not met.
-Read Mary Patillo's Black on the Block: The Politics of Race and Class in the City. Not met.
-Read William Julius Wilson, More Than Just Race: Being Black and Poor in the Inner City. MET.
-Read William Julius Wilson, The Truly Disadvantaged: The Inner City, the Underclass, and Public Policy. Checked out from the library and partially read, but not completed.
-Read William Julius Wilson & Richard P. Taub, There Goes the Neighborhood: Racial, Ethnic, and Class Tensions in Four Chicago Neighborhoods and Their Meaning for America. Not met.

PROFESSIONAL
-Finish revising my SAW for publication. Not met! Not even close!
-Build my personal website. Bought the domain name; on tap for September.
-Take the GRE and score above 700 on verbal and at least 650 on quantitative. MET!
-Pass the MPRE. Not met, but I take it again on Friday! Lord, please let me reach this goal . . .
-Gain admission to graduate school and/or get an appellate clerkship. Definitely NOT trying to get an appellate clerkship. The problem re: grad school is that I won't know if I was admitted until 2011, but apps are due at the end of 2010. So, I'm slightly modifying this goal to "Apply to graduate school." I've made a lot of progress in that direction, but have not actually applied.
-During any gap of time between my clerkship and my next job, write and publish at least one op-ed or an LTE in a major newspaper. Not met; we'll see if we can squeeze that into September as well.
-Develop a sharper research focus. Met.
-Finish article review for Professor Schuck and email it to him. Not met, and I may not meet it. Turning work in late is one thing, but turning work in over a year late and over a year after you graduated is a little ridiculous. But I did tell him I'd send it to him, and I never did. I will see if I have time.

COOKING & EATING
-Cook with or eat 20 ingredients that I've never tried. MET.
-Write at least 15 new recipes. Sort of annoying because I've definitely come up with 15 new recipes, but I haven't written most of them down. I consider this one to be in progress. It only counts if I write it down and post it on this blog.
-Go to McClellanville or similar coastal area to purchase fresh seafood. Not met, but I plan to go to McClellanville this weekend! I'll be traveling from Charleston to Myrtle Beach, and McClellanville is right on the way.
-Dine in at least one of the following New York restaurants: Brad Farmerie's Public, Seamus Mullen's Boqueria, Eric Ripert's Le Bernardin, Dan Barber's Blue Hill in Greenwich Village or at Stone Barns, Wylie Dufresne's WD-50, Daniel Humm's Eleven Madison Park, Anita Lo's Annisa (when repaired), Geoffrey Zakarian's Town, Alex Guernaschelli's Butter, Aaron Sanchez's Centrico, Floyd Cardoz's Tabla, or Gramercy Tavern. MET! Ate at Butter in March.
-Dine at Sean Brock's McCrady's in Charleston. MET. Wasn't as great as I'd hoped, but I was comparing it to my experience at John Besh's August and perhaps that wasn't fair.

CULTURE & COMMUNITY
-Continue volunteering at the shelter through September 2010. This was a bust! I kept volunteering with them through March, then randomly I stopped hearing from them. I emailed the program director to see when she needed me again, and she never wrote back. It's been months since I've seen my ladies or been to AA. Sucks, but . . . ::sigh::.
-Volunteer somewhere other than the shelter at least once. Not yet, but there's no question I'll get there.
-Watch all five seasons of The Wire. I'm so in the process of this! Just finished Disc 3 of Season 4, so I'm almost there.
-Watch the Roots miniseries (nope, I've never seen it - no one revoke my "black card" please.) Umm, I actually forgot this was on the list! Not met, but I'll get it done before the year is over.
-See at least two live theater shows. Not met.

OTHER
-Write at least ten relatively lengthy emails to catch up with friends/colleagues with whom I haven't spoken recently. Nope. Just one. And I'm not sure if I still want to do this or not. At least the one I sent was highly successful, and rekindled a friendship that was dormant for six years.
-Have at least 5 meaningful conversations about religion/faith/spirituality. Notta one, unless you count a heated one about religion when I was in DC for brunch last weekend. It was an awkward, lawyer-like conversation though; I didn't get anything out of it. So I'm not going to count it. That wasn't what I had in mind when setting this goal.
-Go to karaoke at least once. Not yet.
-Pay off my credit cards completely at least once (they may still have a balance at the end of 2010.) MET!
-Own my own car/get my current car off my mother's insurance. Not met, and probably won't be met.

So, where does this leave me?

Overall, I'm not doing super-great. I've only met fourteen of the fifty goals (green), and only eight more are in process (blue). Twelve more of the goals I haven't met (red) are likely to be met before the end of the year, and most of those involve reading books. That leaves sixteen goals - nearly 1/3 - that I haven't met and seem unlikely to meet.

It's interesting to look at the categories where I've had the most and least success. For obvious reasons, weight/size/health got a lot of love from me this year, as did cooking & eating. Progress on travel, culture & community, and "other" are downright pathetic, with reading only slightly better because I was deliberately putting some of the books off for my break time in September.

In any event, I love this method. I think I've accomplished a lot more than I would have without the list. Plus, there are legitimate reasons that some of the goals won't be met. Some of the goals are unlikely to be met because I no longer think they are a priority. For example, I no longer desire to complete Couch to 5K, and for logistical reasons, I don't think it makes sense to take on a new car insurance payment. Others won't be met for financial reasons (that would be all of my travel goals). Still others are not possible to meet due to forces mostly beyond my control (see, e.g., reaching a "normal" BMI; volunteering at the shelter).

All in all, it's been a great and productive year. Can't wait to make more progress on this list and write a new one for 2011.

What I Cooked! July 17, 2010

This month's WLS-friendly feast had a theme that I called "Avante-garde American." America is the proverbial melting pot of many different flavors and cultures, and this meal was kind of like that.

Course 1: Jicama Pot Stickers with Miso-Black Bean Dipping Sauce

These "pot stickers" are thin slices of jicama that are salted and lightly steamed, stuffed with a mixture of homemade goat ricotta cheese, chopped shrimp, local shoepeg white corn, scallions, and chive. They were inspired by the idea of "jicama ravioli" that are stuffed with avocado by Jose Andres at Cafe Atlantico and filled with tuna tartare by Hubert Keller as described in his cookbook, The Cuisine of Hubert Keller. I took more of an Asian turn by imagining them as pot stickers instead of ravioli, and by infusing the black bean sauce with a good amount of miso paste. Jicama is a Mexican vegetable though, and the filling isn't remotely Asian-inspired, so this dish epitomizes the avant-garde melting pot theme.

Course 2: Crab Cakes, Portabella-Hearts of Palm Gratin, and Carrot-Roasted Grape-Bacon Slaw with Garlic Butter and Blackberry-Lemon Gastrique

From left to right: (1) Portabella-hearts of palm gratin. My mom wanted to see how I’d make a lower-carb version of baked macaroni and cheese. I got the idea of using hearts of palm as a macaroni replacement from Maria Health, one of my favorite food/healthy lifestyle blogs. (2) Carrot, roasted grape, and bacon slaw. I learned about roasting grapes here. The salad is very simple, with just red wine vinegar, Splenda, salt and pepper. (3) Crab cakes. I spotted this awesome recipe by Ellie Krieger for healthy but crispy crab cakes in this month’s Food Network Magazine. It’s excellent and will become a regular part of my repertoire. The yellow stuff on top is garlic butter. (4) Blackberry-lemon gastrique made with red wine vinegar.

Course 3: Chevon Paprikash with Corn Chowder, Zucchini-Parmesan Pancakes, and Green Tomato-Habanero Chow Chow

Dessert: "Cherubs"
I baked a sugar-free angel food cake last week and morphed it into three desserts.

From left to right:
(1) Rosemary-scented local peaches and sweetened freshly made ricotta over angel food cake;
(2) Banana-pecan bread pudding topped with homemade banana chips (this was supposed to be topped with sugar-free marshmallow and banana-pecan streusel, but I forgot the marshallow and ruined the streusel); and
(3) Snickers trifle, which is dark chocolate pudding layered with angel food cake, homemade sticky caramel, and peanuts that I roasted and seasoned myself. It’s topped with Cool Whip, more peanuts, more caramel, and a sweet cherry (sadly, my mom had never had a real cherry. She’d only had those nasty bright red ones from the jar. Yuck.).

What I Cooked! June 19, 2010

Since January, I've been preparing one meal a month for my mom. They are always multiple courses, but WLS-friendly. (Even though my mom is a non-op, I refuse to cook foods that I can't eat.)

This month, I sort of went with a summer solstice theme. Here's what I served:

Course 1: Watermelon Three Ways

Right: Frothy cucumber-watermelon gazpacho with lemon.

Center: Salad of baby arugula with caramelized watermelon, warm almond-crusted goat cheese medallions, and orange-infused balsamic reduction.

Left: Spicy watermelon salsa with thinly sliced summer squash. The salsa contains watermelon, jicama, tomato, avocado, red onion, jalapeno, basil, and a little salt, vinegar, sucralose, and red pepper flake.

Course 2: Biscuits & Jelly

Clockwise from the top: (1) Jalapeno-cheddar Carbquik biscuit; (2) Tomato gazpacho aspic with cucumbers, bell peppers, and red onion; (3) "Candied" turkey bacon (made using Nature Sweet brown); and (4) Hard-boiled egg. This was sort of a deconstructed thing. It's designed that you take a little of each thing and eat it together. Both my plating and photography were particularly bad - sorry!

Course 3: Poached Halibut with Summer Bounty in Lemon-Chamomile Broth

"Summer Bounty" is just another word for summer vegetables, and this version contained asparagus tips, golden beets, kohlrabi, and hen-of-the-woods mushrooms. The halibut is sprinkled with a few crushed pink peppercorns. Unfortunately, with all the craziness going on, I think my halibut was slightly overcooked. That was a practically criminal mistake considering how expensive it was!

Either way, I loved this dish. It really tasted like summer with the floral aroma of the chamomile, the brightness of the lemon, and the light feel of the entire dish.

Kohlrabi is a particularly welcome new discovery. Steamed simply with salt until fork tender, it tasted like potatoes - but check out these fabulous stats. This summer veggie could open up a whole new world of culinary possibilities.

I think this might be my best plating for any entree thus far. My entrees usually look like a mess, but I thought this one was quite beautiful.

Course 4: Red Velvet Pancakes and Reese's Cup Protein Pie

Top: Chocolate peanut butter fudge frozen protein pie. Check out the recipe from Bariatric Foodie. Unfortunately, I ate almost the entire pie by myself, so I don't think I'll be making it again unless it's for a party where lots of people will eat it. Very yummy! One small change I'd suggest is using much less crust than the recipe calls for. I'd cut the crust recipe by a full 2/3.

Bottom: Red velvet protein pancakes with (sugar-free, fat-free) cream cheese sauce and toasted chopped pecans. This was so, so, so, so good. Mom gobbled it right up. The cream cheese sauce made all the difference.

I followed the basic protein pancake recipe from Maria Health blog, but used chocolate protein and cocoa instead of vanilla, tripled the amount of baking powder, and of course, added red food coloring.

I had fun. It sent me on a bit of an eating spree, but it is always fun to brainstorm and prepare these meals.

What I Ate: April 23, 2010

• Another cookies & cream/cookie dough-inspired protein "Blizzard": 1/2 scoop Inspire ice cream sandwich protein (63 kcals, 15g protein, 1g carbs, 0g fat), 1/2 cup Fage 0% (60 kcals, 10g protein, 4.5g carbs, 0g fat), 1/4 cup almond milk (10 kcals, 0.2g protein, 0.3g net carbs, 0.8g fat), 1 tbsp. SF/FF cheesecake protein (15 kcals, 3g carbs), several ice cubes, Truvia, and SF vanilla and cookie dough syrups. Total - (148 kcals, 25.2g protein, 9g net carbs, 0.8g fat).
• 1 Spinachy Chicken Burger (75 kcals, 12g protein, 3.5g net carbs, 0.5g fat) with 1 slice Kraft fat-free Swiss (25 kcals, 4g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat), and 1/2 100-calorie pack natural walnuts and almonds (50 kcals, 1.5g protein, 1g net carbs, 4.5g fat) over salad greens (5 kcals, 0.5g net carbs). Total - (155 kcals, 17.5g protein, 7g net carbs, 5g fat).
• Another Spinachy Chicken Burger (75 kcals, 12g protein, 3.5g net carbs, 0.5g fat) and 1 slice Kraft fat-free American cheese (25 kcals, 4g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat) with the other 1/2 100-calorie pack natural walnuts and almonds (50 kcals, 1.5g protein, 1g net carbs, 4.5g fat) over salad greens (5 kcals, 0.5g net carbs) with 4 strawberries (24 kcals, 0.4g protein, 4g net carbs, 0g fat). Total - (179 kcals, 17.9g protein, 11g net carbs, 5g fat).
• 1 Believe Italian Cappuccino in decaf. (120 kcals, 20g protein, 5g net carbs, 0g fat).
• Omelet and salad again; I love this. 1/2 cup egg substitute (60 kcals, 12g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat) stuffed with 2 slices fat-free American cheese (50 kcals, 8g protein, 4g carbs, 0g fat), over 1.5 cups salad mix with sauteed onions, tomatoes, and sliced brussels sprouts (25 kcals, 1g protein, 3.5g net carbs) with makeshift garlicky honey mustard vinaigrette (10 kcals, 1g net carbs). Total - (145 kcals, 21g protein, 10.5g net carbs, 0g fat). Yummmmmmm!
• Super-decadent strawberry protein shake: 1/2 cup Fage (60 kcals, 10g protein, 4.5g carbs, 0g fat), 1/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk (13 kcals, 0.2g protein, 0.3g carbs, 1.2g fat), SF vanilla syrup, 1/2 scoop Matrix strawberry cream protein powder (55 kcals, 11.5g protein, 1g carbs, 0.8g fat), 2 strawberries (12 kcals, 0.2g protein, 2g net carbs, 0g fat), 1/2 scoop About Time birthday cake protein (52 kcals, 12.5g protein, 0g carbs, 0g fat), 1 tbsp. SF/FF Jello cheesecake pudding mix (15 kcals, 3g carbs). Total - (207 kcals, 34.2g protein, 10.8g carbs, 2g fat). It was so thick and rich that I couldn't finish it. Taking a slight nutritional deduction: Calculated total - (165 kcals, 27g protein, 8.6g carbs, 1.6g fat).
• 1 100-calorie pack cocoa almonds (100 kcals, 3g protein, 2g net carbs, 9g fat).
• 2 Bariatric Advantage raspberry calcium citrate chews (30 kcals, 3g net carbs)
• 2 Bariatric Advantage cinnamon calcium citrate lozenges (8 kcals, 2g carbs)
• 2 Celebrate orange multivitamins (10 kcals, 2g net carbs)
• 2 Celebrate grape iron + c (10 kcals, 3g net carbs)

Total:
1,070 calories
131.6g protein
49.2% kcals from protein
63.1g net carbs
23.6% kcals from net carbs
21.4g fat
18.0% kcals from fat.

The coconut milk is a new thing I found at Earth Fare. It comes in a big carton. They didn't have the chilled almond milk, but I saw that it only has 10 more calories per cup so decided to give it a try. The one bad thing is that it has more fat, and ALL of the fat is saturated fat. But I figured that because it's likely the only saturated fat I'll be having all day, it's probably okay.

For exercise today, I went to Hot Yoga, thereby fulfilling one of my fifty goals for 2010! It was super-challenging and sort of macho feeling, but really fun! We tried some asanas that are less common in the classes I usually attend, such as half moon pose, parivrtta janu sirsasana (revolved head-to-knee pose), bird of paradise pose (crazy hard!), and utthita hasta padangustasana (extended hand-to-big-toe pose.)

Recipe: Mediterranean White Chili

This chili may not be pretty, but it's delicious. Kinda looks like cottage cheese in this photo, eh? Guess it would be nicer served in a pretty bowl with some garnishes, like lemon slices or a rosemary sprig, but . . . oh well. :-/

Typically, chili has more of a Southwestern, Mexican, or even Southern flavor. This chili, however, is inspired by European food. I begin the chili with a classic French mirepoix and then add some spices and ingredients inspired by Mediterranean cuisine. At bottom, though, this makes a delicious and versatile pot of chili with beans - perfect post-op food. To make it more Mediterranean-inspired, you could use chickpeas instead of navy beans. I prefer the creamy texture of navy, white kidney, or even cannelini beans.

You can make this with fewer or different ingredients if you want. The keys to this chili are the caramelization of the mirepoix, the earthiness of the rosemary, and the brightness of the lemon. Everything else can be substituted or omitted.

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. ground white meat (I used ground turkey breast, but chicken or pork would work as well)
• About 150 grams white onion, minced
• About 75 grams celery, minced
• About 50 grams carrot, minced
• About 50 grams garlic, minced (I used elephant, but you could probably use about 6 cloves of regular garlic, which has stronger flavor so you need less of it)
• 1.5 tbsp. chopped rosemary - fresh is best, but dried whole rosemary works
• Salt (start with 2 tsp., but to taste)
• 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth, divided
• 2 tsp. each ground coriander and dried oregano (use dried. If you must use fresh, add it at the end of cooking, but I prefer dried for the chili)
• 1 tsp. each rubbed sage and ground white or black pepper
• 1/2 of a 15 oz. can of navy beans, drained and rinsed
• 1/2 cup nonfat Greek yogurt (I used Fage 0%)
• 1/4 cup softened fat-free cream cheese
• 1 tbsp. Splenda
• Juice and zest of one lemon
• 2 roma tomatoes, large dice

Directions:

1. Combine the onions, celery, and carrot to create a classic mirepoix. The mirepoix for this recipe is 6 parts onion, 3 parts celery, and 2 parts carrot, but feel free to fudge those numbers a bit. The main thing is that you want a lot more onion than carrot and celery.
2. Bring a pot (preferably not a nonstick pot) to medium heat, spray with cooking spray, sprinkle with your 2 tsp. salt, and begin caramelizing the mirepoix. You want it to get brown and for some of the juices to stick to the bottom and turn brown. A chef would call the brown stuff "fond," and getting a good fond is what makes this chili delicious. Make sure nothing gets black, though - just brown!
3. Stir in the garlic and rosemary, then pour in 1 cup of your chicken broth. The pan should steam and release the fond. Stir to make sure you have it all.
4. Stir in the ground meat, trying to break it up as much as possible.
5. Add your coriander, oregano, sage, and white or black pepper, and stir to distribute through the meat.
6. Once the spices are distributed throughout the meat, add the other cup of chicken broth. Then, add the navy beans. Allow the chili to simmer for about 25 minutes.
7. After the chili has simmered and the liquid has reduced a bit, stir in the Greek yogurt, Splenda, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Allow the chili to simmer for 5-7 more minutes, or until it's reached your desired consistency. Taste and make sure you don't need to add more salt or pepper.
8. Melt in the cream cheese, then stir in the Roma tomatoes. (If you decided to use fresh oregano, you'd add this here as well. Fresh oregano is delicate and you must be careful not to add it too early.) Taste to check for seasoning, and adjust as needed. Chili's up!

Nutritional Information:
This recipe makes roughly 10 1/2 cup servings. One 1/2 cup serving made with the ingredients I used contains roughly 106 calories, 14 grams of protein, 8 grams net carbs, and 1 gram of fat.

Using ground chicken breast, a different kind of white bean, or a different brand of Greek yogurt would only slightly change these stats. Make sure to account for more drastic substitutions.

My First Running Shoes.

After work on Monday, I bought a pair of these:

for the Cooper River Bridge 10K this weekend. Even walking, I still want real shoes. These are stability shoes, perfect for flat-footed people like me.

Yeah, so they aren't the most fashionable shoes ever, but I'm still glad to have them. My first real running shoes! :-)

This Sunday, at Yoga

I did this:

This is urdhva dhanurasana (aka wheel pose.)

Disclaimers:

• I'm sure it looked nothing like that. I was able to get my feet flat and elbows straight though!
• I couldn't do it on my own; we did it as a partner exercise where you hold on to your partner's ankles and they help you raise your shoulders.

But whatever. I did it! I also did reclining hero pose (with props), an asana that seemed difficult to most people in the class despite using props. I couldn't hold the asana the full 5 minutes or so, but I got into the pose and held it a respectable amount of time.

I was dabbling in Level 1.5, a half-step above my usual Basic class - and amazingly, I don't think my performance was completely embarrassing. Slightly, perhaps, but not completely. Yay.

March Menu for 2010 Dinner Challenge

Aside from my individual 50 goals for 2010, I'm participating in a competition to complete 10 challenges in 2010 with 40+ other people. One of the challenges is to cook a meal each month consisting of at least 2 courses that is shared with at least one other person.

Because I'm in South Carolina for the year and don't hang out with many people, I've come to rely on my mom to be my dinner companion for purposes of this competition. It's really fun - I get to be as inventive as I want to be, and because she's my mom, she can critique things she doesn't like without bothering me too much. The process is significantly improving my culinary skills, I think.

We had March meal this past Saturday evening. Part of the "egregious waywardness" I mentioned in my last post was related to cooking this meal. Of course, most of it wasn't - everything I prepared was WLS-friendly or at least WLS-tolerable, and the craziest stuff I ate wasn't a part of this meal whatsoever (as you'll see, there's no Edy's slow-churned ice cream or Cheerios on this menu.) But, that's another subject for another post (maybe. If I decide to relive the horror.)

Anyway, here's what I cooked for my mom Saturday night, with photos from my Blackberry:

Beverage

Spiced Strawberry-Rhubarb Apple Cider

Braeburn apples, strawberries, rhubarb, lemon, cinnamon, ginger, clove, artificial sweeteners

Appetizer
Shrimp & Grits

Carolina shrimp, soy grits, squid ink, fat-free cream cheese, fat-free cheddar sprinkle, extra lean turkey bacon, avocado, jalapeño

Entrée
Venison Rouladen
mustard, dill pickle, extra lean turkey bacon, scallion, in soffritto

Savory Cheesecake
fat-free cream cheese and sour cream, spinach, chicken breast sausage, mushrooms, leeks, toasted light Italian Flatout triangles, Fiber One-parmesan crust

Braised Cabbage
granny smith apple, pinto beans, tomato, lemon, white sesame seeds

Dessert
Deconstructed Chocolate-Hazelnut Soup
white chocolate frozen Fage 0%, vanilla caramel sauce (Nature Sweet brown), sweet potato, pecans, baked banana chips, "candied" orange supremes, fresh strawberries, Nutella (NOT WLS-FRIENDLY! Ok for non-op mom! And the soup itself has no Nutella in it - cocoa, choc protein, Almond Breeze, SF syrup - all good stuff)

Cooking is one of my favorite creative outlets. I've already designed the menu for April, and it's going to be interesting! There's a spring/Easter/Passover/pea & carrot theme. I can't wait.

If I can afford it, my next goal is to learn more about plating and get some different shapes of white plates to complement the food better. I know this month's entree looks particularly bizarre. Oh well - I'm a work in progress.

I'll spare you a detailed exposition on the food for now, but can give more details, reviews, or recipes if anyone's interested. However, I must let WLS people know that soy grits leave much to be desired texturally. But with 130 calories, 19 grams of protein, 14 total grams of carbs with 7 grams of fiber, and just 1 gram of fat in 1/4 cup dry (over 1/2 cup cooked), I'll definitely be eating them again.

One-Year Surgery Follow-Up, and Goal-Setting.

Okay, I know - I'm not a year out. I'm not even eleven months out.

Nonetheless, I had my one-year follow-up on March 4. I was in New Haven for a conference, and it seemed smart to make an appointment while I was in town.

My last follow-up was on June 30th for a two-month visit, and I was not happy when I left. They didn't seem to be very happy with my progress. Even though I was exercising a lot and eating 500-800 calories a day, I was told to eat less and move more. I left the appointment more confused than ever about how to make my surgery work.

This visit was markedly different. According to their scales, I was 185.0. There were compliments all around. Of course, they also admonished me to watch my weight and labs very closely. My surgeon advised me not to become complacent and allow weight to creep back on. I've already been through the slow regain thing before, and I'll do whatever I can to avoid it.

My surgeon asked me if I had an ultimate goal weight (phrased in such a way that he was asking for my "dream weight" more than anything touched by realism.) I gave him my random goal weight of 152, which is half of my surgery starting weight of 304, and would give me a high-normal BMI of 24.2. He actually said that I could even go into the 140s (?!), but tempered that by raising the excess skin issue. He didn't give me any specific goals, but he mentioned that 170 might be reasonable, considering that I'm likely to have 15+ pounds of excess skin.

For now, I'm sticking with my 152-156 goal including the excess skin. I see my body. There's a lot of fat left on it that I should be able to lose before heading to the plastic surgeon's table.

This is a side note, but I recently read that BMI is not a good way of determining optimal health for African Americans, particularly African-American women. Apparently, black women tend not to show negative health consequences of a high BMI until it's over 38. Hmm.

Not Obese. Claiming It.

This morning, my lovely scale reported that my weight is 182.6 pounds. At 5'6.5", my current BMI is 29.0. I'm 5.9 pounds below 188.5, the weight at which someone my height has an "obese" BMI of 30.0.

It's great to see the numbers moving down again after such a long hiatus. More stalls are in my future, and I'll fluctuate up again, possibly even 5 pounds. But even so, my weight will be below the obesity line.

My weight has been below 188 in recent days/weeks, but I wasn't confident enough in the numbers to officially declare myself "overweight" (with good reason - on Tuesday morning, the scale said I was 189.) But now I'm feeling secure in this transition.

I'm overweight, y'all!

Riddle Me This . . .

As you know if you're one of the few people who read this blog, my weight has been fluctuating between 187 and 194 or so for the past month. In order to stop being "obese" per the BMI charts, at 5'6.5" I need to weigh 188 or less. Even at 188, I'm still at the top of the "overweight" BMI range. A "normal" weight of 156 is still a long way off.

So, how is it that I'm able to wear several size S shirts? Granted, most of them came from stores with generous "vanity-sizing" like The Gap and Ann Taylor Loft, but the shirts are still on the smaller end of the sizes of their target demographic. And of course, being able to wear an S sweater doesn't mean I can wear an S button-down shirt. Nonetheless, I wasn't squeezing into these shirts. One of my size S Gap tees is actually a little too big. I wore a size S sweater to work yesterday, so it's not like I'm forcing my body into clothes that are too tight to wear in public. I wore one of my S tees to yoga last night also.

How does someone who is obese qualify to wear any interpretation of a "small"?

I don't know what to think. My tummy and thighs are still quite chunky (I can barely get into size L on the bottom), so this may explain some things.

Goals.

I went to my biweekly WLS support group meeting on Tuesday night. As usual, we started the meeting with introductions. Instead of taking the usual approach of introducing myself with how much I'd lost, I went with, "Hi, I'm Monica. On Saturday, it will be 10 months since my surgery. I have 35 pounds left to lose." (emphasis added to the important part).

I'm not sure why, but it felt right to lead with my goal instead of my starting point. Perhaps one reason is that starting with "I've lost 151 pounds from my highest weight and 117 since surgery" feels braggadocious. Not only that, everyone at the support group claps after you announce how much you've lost. I've netted a 2.5-pound loss this past month; I didn't want to hear any applause.

But I think the main reason is that I'm increasingly worried that I won't reach my goal weight. Maybe if I continually say my goal weight aloud - "152, 152, 152" - I will speak it into existence.

After my introduction, the nurse who leads the group says, "Well, you've done great. You look like you're already at goal." In response, I raised my eyebrows, looked down with embarrassment, and shook my head. I felt the pressure of my monstrous belly against my snug size 14 skirt. I thought, "If this is goal, I'm really disappointed."

I'm just not sure what my ultimate goal weight should be, and now that I'm on the downward slope of my weight loss phase, the lack of a clear goal is a problem. My surgeon doesn't assign a goal like some do, which makes sense philosophically, but may not make sense for clueless people like me. He asked me how much I wanted to lose; my response was, "Umm... I'm not sure." I haven't had a normal body weight since I was 5 or 6, if then. I have no idea what a healthy weight would be for me.

I initially turned to the BMI charts. My first goal was 156, because at 5'6.5", that would give me a "normal" BMI of 24.8. Later, I slightly lowered the goal to 152, half of my surgery starting weight. That would give me a BMI of 24.2, still on the high end of normal.

I'm not even sure if a normal BMI is realistic or desirable. Right now, my BMI is 29.8, right on the cusp between "obese" and "overweight." Some people decide their goals based on the percentage of excess weight lost, based on a medical perspective that RNYers can expect to lose up to 80% of their excess weight. So, if I base my excess weight on my highest weight of 338, "goal" would be 192.4 - in which case, I'm below goal (whatever.) If I base my excess weight on my surgery weight, my goal is 185.6, less than 2 pounds away.

Gee. This post is even more scattershot than usual. I'll just say this: I'm confused. The post reflects my general puzzlement about what my stopping point will be. I don't want to have a goal that I physiologically won't ever reach, but I still want my goal to be aggressive.

Mini-goals:
192.4: 80% excess weight from highest measured weight of 338
188: BMI of 29.9; no longer "obese"
185.6: 80% excess weight from official surgery start weight of 304
169: Half of highest measured weight of 338
156: BMI of 24.8; no longer "overweight"
152: Half of official surgery start weight of 304

I still need a mini-goal somewhere in the low 180s and/or 170s.

Just Registered for My First Athletic Event EVER.

That is, if you don't count Relay for Life or my high school's "March for Education," which was seriously like 1/4 or 1/2 mile. For me, Relay for Life was an opportunity to eat and socialize while supporting a worthy cause. Every couple hours I'd walk a lap. Anyway -

I just registered for the Cooper River Bridge Run, which will be held in Mt. Pleasant/Charleston, SC on March 27, 2010. It's a 10K. I will definitely be walking, maybe with 3 minutes of slow jogging interspersed here and there. Even so, I am experiencing a pleasant combination of excitement, anxiety, and a premature sense of accomplishment just for having the cojones to try something like this after 20+ years of obesity. Simply registering, let alone participating, feels surreal.

I hope I actually follow through with this, and I have a feeling that I will after paying almost $50 to sign up. Walking 6.2 miles isn't the scary part. That should be no problem. What makes me nervous is being a fat person in this environment.

What I Ate: 1/17/2010

• 1 link Bilinski's organic sweet apple chicken sausage (100 kcals, 12g protein, 6g carbs, 2.5g fat) and 1/4 cup Publix EggStirs (30 kcals, 6g protein, 1g carbs, 0g fat) sprinkled with chopped fresh marjoram after cooking. Total - (130 kcals, 18g protein, 7g carbs, 2.5g fat). Last night I made the mistake of cooking leeks and sausage with the marjoram, which destroyed the delicate herb. I couldn't taste it at all. Marjoram has a bold flavor, but the herb itself is delicate. You have to add it at the end of cooking or sprinkle it on after cooking. Oh well, beginner's mistake! But I'm one ingredient closer to reaching one of my 50 goals for 2010 - cooking with or eating 20 new ingredients.
• Gingerbread protein lattes galore. 1 Chai Tea Latte Believe protein drink split between 2 STRONG decaf coffees with sugar-free gingerbread and sugar-free vanilla syrups. I had one at about 11:30 and the next at about 2:30. (120 kcals, 20g protein, 5g carbs, 0g fat)
• An Oh Yeah! gingerbread latte. I got the coffee at Starbucks this time, and it wasn't quite as good as when I made it at home. This was an eye-opener! 1/2 Oh Yeah! vanilla creme in decaf coffee with sugar-free gingerbread syrup and a little Splenda (110 kcals, 16g protein, 1.5g net carbs, 4.5g fat)
• A play on gumbo: 1 link Bilinski's Cajun-style andouille, sliced into discs (90 kcals, 11g protein, 1g carbs, 4.5g fat), with 9 medium shrimp (54 kcals, 10.8g protein, 0g carbs, 1g fat), 1/4 cup leftover gumbo z'herbes - this was the last of it (about 18 kcals, 1g protein, 0.5g net carbs, 0.5g fat), and 1.5 tbsp clam juice (7 kcals, 1g protein). Total - (169 kcals, 23.8g protein, 1.5g net carbs, 6g fat). This was so good! I was surprised at how tasty it was. I'm sad to see that gumbo z'herbes go. I hope I can re-create these flavors with the fake andouille and shrimp again in the future!
• 1/4 cup prepared PB2 and 2 tbsp. prepared chocolate PB2, both of which I miraculously found in a local health food grocery store this afternoon, Rosewood Market! The chocolate wasn't as delish as I expected it to be, but I'm thinking maybe I made it wrong. The regular was SO good! (158 kcals, 14g protein, 11g net carbs, 5g fat)
• Simple version of cookie dough cheesecake: 1/3 cup Fage (40 kcals, 6.6g protein, 3g net carbs, 0g fat) mixed with 1 scoop Inspire ice cream sandwich protein powder (126 kcals, 30g protein, 2g carbs, 0g fat) with sugar-free cookie dough syrup. Total - (166 kcals, 36.6g protein, 5g net carbs, 0g fat)
• 4 Bariatric Advantage calcium lozenges (16 kcals, 4g net carbs)
• 2 Celebrate multivitamins in orange (10 kcals, 2g net carbs)
• 1 Celebrate grape iron + c (5 kcals, 1g net carbs, 0g fat)

Total:
884 kcals
128.4g protein
58.1% kcals from protein
38g net carbs
17.2% kcals from net carbs
18g fat
18.3% kcals from fat.

After all the exercise from yesterday, I kept it easier today by doing 3 miles plus cooldown (a little over 40 minutes) of the Leslie Sansone 5-Mile Fat Burning Walk.

Fifty Goals for 2010

In lieu of vague resolutions, which I almost never keep, I've decided to set fifty concrete goals for 2010. Public declaration of these goals might make me feel more compelled to achieve them, so here goes:

WEIGHT, BODY SIZE & HEALTH
-Reach 188 pounds - an "overweight" BMI.
-Reach 154 pounds - a "normal" BMI.
-Maintain or get below 154 pounds at the end of the year.
-Wear a size Small shirt.
-Buy at least one bra from Victoria's Secret.
-Unsubscribe from Lane Bryant's mailing list.
-Get labs of my vitamin levels drawn at least once.
-Revisit my surgeon for at least one check up.
-Go to the dentist for a teeth cleaning.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY & ADVENTURE
-Complete the Couch to 5K program.
-Register for and complete at least 3 "races" of any length. Walking them is fine.
-Go hiking at least 3 times.
-Go fishing at least once.
-Go to a yoga studio, preferably for bikram or "hot" yoga, at least once.

TRAVEL
-At least once, travel to a country I've never visited.
-Visit Los Angeles.
-Visit at least one state I've never been to, preferably Texas.

READING
-Read Pierre Bourdieu, Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste.
-Read Frantz Fanon's The Wretched of the Earth (nope, I've never read it all the way through.)
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Sidewalk.
-Read Mitchell Duneier's Slim's Table: Race, Respectability, and Masculinity.
-Read Katherine S. Newman & Victor Tan Chen, The Missing Class: Portraits of the Near Poor in America.
-Read Katherine S. Newman, No Shame in My Game: The Working Poor in the Inner City.
-Read Mary Patillo's Black on the Block: The Politics of Race and Class in the City.
-Read William Julius Wilson, More Than Just Race: Being Black and Poor in the Inner City.
-Read William Julius Wilson, The Truly Disadvantaged: The Inner City, the Underclass, and Public Policy.
-Read William Julius Wilson & Richard P. Taub, There Goes the Neighborhood: Racial, Ethnic, and Class Tensions in Four Chicago Neighborhoods and Their Meaning for America.

PROFESSIONAL
-Finish revising my SAW for publication.
-Build my personal website.
-Take the GRE and score above 700 on verbal and at least 650 on quantitative.
-Pass the MPRE.
-Gain admission to graduate school and/or get an appellate clerkship.
-During any gap of time between my clerkship and my next job, write and publish at least one op-ed or an LTE in a major newspaper.
-Develop a sharper research focus.
-Finish article review for Professor Schuck and email it to him.

COOKING & EATING
-Cook with or eat 20 ingredients that I've never tried.
-Write at least 15 new recipes.
-Go to McClellanville or similar coastal area to purchase fresh seafood.
-Dine in at least one of the following New York restaurants: Brad Farmerie's Public, Seamus Mullen's Boqueria, Eric Ripert's Le Bernardin, Dan Barber's Blue Hill in Greenwich Village or at Stone Barns, Wylie Dufresne's WD-50, Daniel Humm's Eleven Madison Park, Anita Lo's Annisa (when repaired), Geoffrey Zakarian's Town, Alex Guernaschelli's Butter, Aaron Sanchez's Centrico, Floyd Cardoz's Tabla, or Gramercy Tavern.
-Dine at Sean Brock's McCrady's in Charleston.

CULTURE & COMMUNITY
-Continue volunteering at the shelter through September 2010.
-Volunteer somewhere other than the shelter at least once.
-Watch all five seasons of The Wire.
-Watch the Roots miniseries (nope, I've never seen it - no one revoke my "black card" please.)
-See at least two live theater shows.

OTHER
-Write at least ten relatively lengthy emails to catch up with friends/colleagues with whom I haven't spoken recently.
-Have at least 5 meaningful conversations about religion/faith/spirituality.
-Go to karaoke at least once.
-Pay off my credit cards completely at least once (they may still have a balance at the end of 2010.)
-Own my own car/get my current car off my mother's insurance.