What I Ate: July 31 - August 1, 2010

I was visiting the fam this weekend. Considering how horrible my diet usually becomes when I'm up there, I didn't do so badly this time. However, I engaged in a lot of compulsive eating at night, which I excused by eating mostly things I knew wouldn't screw up my weight (lots of nuts and cheese). I ate some of my step-niece's birthday cake, but that's the one thing I'm not concerned about. It was okay. I'm mostly concerned about my out-of-control compulsive eating. Nuts are a fierce trigger!

Saturday, July 31:

• Cinnamon protein pancakes with too much SF maple syrup
• 1 Pure Protein Cookies-N-Cream protein shake (120 kcals, 23g protein, 2g net carbs, 1g fat) in an Sbux iced sugar-free vanilla decaf quad espresso
• 1 oz. roasted and salted soy nuts
• MASSIVE amount of dill pickle cashews, on the road. I craved these so compulsively that I pulled over on the side of the road in the rain to fish them out of my back seat. You know you have a problem when . . .
• Nibbles at my step-niece's first birthday shindig: Several bites of Publix marble cake with icing, a small bite of a hot dog on a bun with chili and mustard, and 3 nacho cheese Doritos
• 1 serving roasted lite firm tofu (45 kcals, 7g protein, 2g carbs, 1.5g fat).
• More dill pickle cashews (I was starving!) followed shortly thereafter by 2 Ellie Krieger Crisp Crab Cakes (112 kcals, 13.8g protein, 11g net carbs, 0.4g fat) and a tiny bit of roma tomato with Tony Chachere's
• About 1/4 of a cameo apple, maybe 2 T peanut butter, a few raisins, and 1 white grape
• 1 slice whole wheat bread, 1 slice lean deli turkey, and various cheeses, including Cabot Black Wax cheddar, Robusto, and Kraft 2% cheddar
• More cheeses listed above and lots of Target garlic almonds

Note that the last 3 items were all consumed after midnight, which technically means I ate them on Sunday, but they felt more part of Saturday.

Sunday, August 1:

• Even more cheese and Target garlic almonds (some of the eating spilled over through 5 AM, and that bout felt more part of Sunday), and 1 oz. roasted/salted soy nuts
• Strawberry cheesecake protein frosty
• Chocolate cheesecake protein frosty
• Another chocolate cheesecake protein frosty
• Cookies & cream protein frosty
• More garlic almonds and 2% sharp cheddar
• A handful of Fiber One twig cereal

At least I worked out a tiny smidge. On Sunday, I went for a brisk 3-mile walk at the hospital track, sandwiched between church and visiting my grandmother. Sundays with the family are never relaxed because we spend practically all day in church.

What I Ate: July 5, 2010

Actually, what didn't I eat?

Monday was a bad, bad day in the history of me and RNY. I started off great with an Egg Beater omelet with fat-free cheese and jicama home fries. I later had a protein shake. From there, I ate Oreos, random sandwich cookies, stale Goldfish crackers, chocolate Cheerios, peanut butter, cocoa almonds with sugar-free marshmallows, a few bites of sweet potato, my mom's barbecue country pork ribs, a Flatout with cheese and barbecue sauce, smoked gouda, 3 peaches, a lot of watermelon, an apple, a Fiber One chocolate peanut butter granola bar . . . hmm, I think that's it, but who knows? Some of these items were eaten in massive amounts, especially the cereal and peanut butter.

I did at least start the day with a 57-minute walk at the AnMed track. Maybe I'll exercise my way right back up to 300 pounds.

Holocaust Survivor?

My mom made a very un-PC and offensive comment to me last night. She said that with the boniness of my upper body, the thinness of my face, and my excess skin, I look like a Holocaust survivor.

She also said she was freaked out by skin and that my "girls" look like an old woman's. She looked at me with visible disgust. I was surprised by her reaction to my body because she's been working in surgery for almost forty years; she's seen all kinds of medical issues and isn't outwardly repulsed by her patients, I'm sure.

Oh well. I know she's happy for my success so far, and she was very supportive as I sought and went through the RNY. But recently, she's started making little sharp comments about my weight. I think it's hard for her to see me smaller than her. She has her own body issues (she's always thought she was fat even though she's never been more than a little pudgy and has, at some points, been downright skinny.)

I think I have to stop sharing my weight loss process with her. It is sad. We've always had an open relationship about such things, but she obviously can't handle these conversations without bringing out the daggers.